So, if you have been following my blog for the last couple of days and you like many of my followers are thinking, ‘Man, Lucy must be having a rough week…” I’m here to tell you that you’re right. I don’t remember the last time I felt as low as I do right now. My self esteem is in the toilet, and that seems to be tainting everything else.
I have lost myself. I have lost the dressed-to-the-nines, stiletto wearing, wild haired woman that I once was. I was known for the “swag” in my walk, my need to be slightly over dressed, and my class with a splash of sass. Men with sculpted figures and stunning English accents fawned over me and thought I was the best thing since sliced bread, and some how I have lost that. Somehow I don’t feel beautiful anymore, not even to myself.
Anyway, this is not a sad post, but one of change and positive adjustments. My life is at a bit of a stand still, but I plan on taking whatever steps I can to find myself again. I may hate my current circumstances, but I can’t let my hate become who I am. With that being said, join me in my small effort towards a positive change, starting with the three things I am going to change right now.
1. I am going to appreciate what I have in the present
In reality, life is actually pretty upside down at the moment. However, I’ve decided that it is time to see the things in my life that are going extremely well. “Things” being my huge, massive, unbelievably scary dream of going to university overseas. In the last couple of weeks it has become a thousand times less scary, as counselors and peers have walked into my life, and given me the confidence to tackle this overwhelming process, head first. It is all coming together so beautifully, and for that, I am grateful.
2. I am going to find my give-a-damn
It sounds dramatic, but changing the way I dress, changed me…for the worse. I traded in my pencil skirts and well fitted (but never tight) dresses for floor length maxi skirts, baggy blouses, and apparently my sense of give-a-damn. I lost my fight to eat well, exercise, and all other forms of caring for myself. There used to be a time when I carried myself like a boss (for lack of a better word), and I need to get that back. Extreme modesty (especially considering I’ve always been pretty modest) has sucked the life out of me and it time to find a balance. I need to care about what I look like, I need to care about what other people see when they look at me, and I need my sparkle back.
So guy, I am on a mission to get my give-a- damn back. I need my confidence, I need my self esteem, and I need to get rid of the gray cloud hanging over my life, otherwise known as insecurity.
3. I’m going to stop mourning my old life, and work on incorporating it into my current life.
The truth of the matter is, I can’t have my old life back. I was well dressed and confident because I was traveling, I was surrounded by people very similar to myself, and constantly being pulled together and presentable was the rule not the exception. Now…I am a student in a sleepy town and my social circles no longer consist of those types of people (but they are just as wonderful).
Sooo life will never be as it was (and sometimes that’s a good thing)… but I can get my spark back, I can dress the way I did, gain the confidence I had back, and get my swagger back. I can have that and still enjoy the good things I have now, that I didn’t have then.
Hopefully this un-poop-ifys my life, because, dude…I’m over this. I know life is going to brighten up, it always does…but sometimes a girl needs a little game plan to get back to happy land, and hopefully this is mine. Thank you guys for sticking through this little rough patch of a week I’ve had. I will be back to spewing rainbows and flavored water recipes in no time.
Lucy Loves Life (well, I’m working on it) xx