This brought me to tears. The perfect words to describe how I feel, in a way I couldn’t pull myself to say it.
Check this blog out, it feeds the hopeless romantic in me in the most incredible way possible.
I miss you sometimes. I can admit it to the world but I can’t seem to admit it to you. I’ve managed to go through a month and a half without any contact. In that time, I got closer to reaching my dreams, I traveled to another continent, and another boy got me to laugh.
But still, I find that I miss you sometimes. Sometimes I’ll be driving while singing a song on the radio, and I’ll remember what your voice sounded like singing it, too. When I go to the grocery store and stare blankly at the shelves, I remember when you use to hug me from behind as we picked out our dinner.
To be honest, it kills me that I miss you. Because to be even more honest, I have cried less away from you than I did with…
Let her know she is loved. Make her feel adored, unique, priceless, beautiful, and yours. Make her feel like no one in this world can love you the way she does. While you’re at it, make it known that you love her more than anyone else ever could.
All I really want, is to know that the man I love would do anything in this world to let me know he loves me too, and I think it’s safe to say I’m not alone.
Just a little tidbit of the many emotions happening in my brain right now… I’ll let Beyonce do the rest.
Thanks for reading,
Lucy Loves Life, she just wants life to love her back ❤ xx
I am just unbelievably busy. School, blog, friends, more than friend, honors program, religious activities, annnnd now work (which I am super grateful for, thanks dad). As it turns out, something has to compromise, and because my hard drive decided to explode, it has been this blog and you lovely readers.
However, to keep you guys updated and in the know with what is going on with my life, I will be sharing little tidbits about my adventures at the moment.
Brace yourselves people, many photos, and little updates will be coming your way and when life calms down a bit I will make sure to fill you guys in on all I have learned and experienced, and trust me… its going to get lengthy.
I hope you guys enjoy this temporary shift, I know I am looking forward to it!
I do have to mention that even though I haven’t been able to blog as much, the consistent emailing, commenting, and sharing has been absolutely incredible, and I really cannot thank you all enough.
After reading Women’s Wisdom, the Garden of Peace for Women one particular theme stuck out to me…gratitude. A lot of times we forget just how fortunate we are to be alive, yet alone thriving. This book not only taught me to be more grateful for the wonderful things I have, but also the not so wonderful things.
This series of post (there will be three parts) will be my acknowledgement of all of the things I am grateful for, both good and bad, and why that is. This first post will be semi-cliché and a typical load down of what you would expect someone to be grateful for, but nonetheless, it needs to be said (the next post will be getting a little stickier lol)
1. My family
This is the epitome of cliché things to be grateful for, but because I feel I take my family for granted the most, I must mention them. From my immediate family, my grandparents, and my aunt, to relatives I rarely see (like my cousin), my family is amazing.
Sure, we have disagreements and there have definitely been some rough times, but I know I can call my parents when my car gets towed at some unholy hour in the morning , I can always call my aunt for a bit of advice or just a good laugh, and when I need to be reminded that someone thinks I am the best person in the world, I call my grandma (she is convinced, y’all) for the standard, Spanglish, load down of all the reasons I am her “reina.” (queen)
Cliché or not, I have a warm, loving family and I do my very best not to take them and my time with them for granted.
2. My Education
I love the opportunity to learn, I love feeling like I really gained an important life skill (critical thinking, factual argument, you name it), and I love the tangible reminder that I am succeeding with something so important.
I feel so fortunate to be where I am right now. Sure, a lot of my accomplishments came through my own blood, sweat, and Starbucks bills, I still have to be grateful. Everyone has a dream, everybody wants to succeed, but not everybody does, and because I have and I continue to, I have nothing but gratitude.
Anyone that knows me has a pretty deep understanding of just how much I love to travel.
Being challenged by a new culture, and experiencing new things that take me out of my comfort zone provides a type of euphoria that I can’t even really explain. I have had the opportunity to experience that high many times, and I have never once taken for granted how fortunate I am.
I am far from checking every country of my checklist of “must sees,” but it doesn’t change my gratitude for the amazing experiences I have had and how they have impacted every aspect of my life. I will elaborate on this in another post (coming VERY soon).
4. My health
As a very healthy 19 year old, you might assume it is easy to take my health for granted. Guess again. Every August 23rd, I am reminded of just how quickly life can change, and how blessed I am to be alive and in good health.
For those of you that don’t know, on that date I was diagnosed with meningitis, and things weren’t looking good. I won’t go into every little scary detail, mainly because I was slipping in and out of consciousness for most of said experiences and don’t remember much. However, I will tell you how grateful I am to be alive with all of my limbs, functioning organs, and no obvious brain damage.I beat the odds. All. Of. Them…How can I not be grateful?
5. My friends
I am grateful for every one of my friends…from the ones spread out all over the world that manage to keep in touch, to the ones I see every day and deal with being exposed to all of my crazy. I have had some shady friends in my life, and I must say, those shady friends made me grateful for all of the incredible people who walked into my life and stayed there for years.
As you might have read in The Pretty Girl Stereotypes I keep a relatively small group of friends, and the ones that I have are absolutely incredible…so major thanks, you awesome people, you.
So that is it for today (I told you it was going to be cliché) I hope you got something from this. Tomorrow I will list the five not-so-wonderful things that I am ever so grateful for, so stick around!
What are you grateful for? Let me know of all of the semi corny, yet wonderful things in your life!
Lucy Loves Life…and reading self help books (haha!) xx
From a nasty comment from a not so anonymous reader, to a snarling, gossiping freak job… it has come to my attention that people get the impression that I think I’m perfect. As I mention below…. hahahahahahahahaha…oh honey boo-boo…how wrong you are.
I have my issues…as a matter of fact, one of the reasons I started this blog was to have a forum to process my craziness and share it with you. However, I do realize, that by the time I make a post, I have already processed it, learned a lesson from it, and leave out all the Lucy bashing in between.
So for those of you that take the time to read one blog where I sound a little conceited…here is a guide with all of things wrong with me…just to keep things in perspective.
1. I am the most awkward person you will ever meet
Seriously… I know that I look pulled together, but in reality, my mind is an awkward place to live. I laugh hysterically when I’m nervous, I make jokes in public that only I understand (and laugh at them), I find intense conversations with most people to be difficult, and when it comes to dating…there are few things in this world as awkward as me on a date with someone I haven’t known for ages.
2. I don’t like to do anything I am not above average in
A friend of mine would joke with me and say that he let me win at card games because if the win to lose ration got too big, I refused to play. Ridiculous, no? I will try most things at least once, but if I discover I’m not extraordinarily good at what I am doing, the chances of continuing that activity are quite low.
3. I am a control freak
This is the main reason I don’t like being drunk, I don’t like to be a guest for more than a few days, and I always need my own money (freedom). Being at the whim of someone else puts a massive strain on my mental state. I have to have my say, I have to have control of my space, diet, exercise, schedule, all things Lucy need to be in my control. I can lose that control for a few days…but don’t push it.
4. I am insanely critical of myself
Recently, a lot of people have started to think that I am hyper critical of everyone mentioned on my blog, and unable to see my own flaws. To all those people…..hahahahahahahaha, I wish. I can see all of my flaws brighter than I care to…I can even see the flaws most of you can’t. If you think I’m critical of others, you should see what I say to myself. Yeah, I think you’re a douche if you’re rude to me, and I may even write about it…but what you don’t see is the mental abuse I put myself through over any little reason I might have given you to hurt me. Anything negative that you can think about me, I have probably already spent months raking myself over the coals for.
5. I mean one thing and say something else
I have this insane ability to mean one thing, and translate it to mean something totally different to those around me. It takes someone I know really well to make sense of my head sometimes. I have gotten into arguments with people that agree with me, but if their words veer away from what I have rationalized it in my head, there is something about my mind that can’t handle that.
6. My emotions can get the best of me
I am passionate about everything I do, and life events are no different. This is one of those places where it is very easy for me to say one thing and rationally mean another. If I’m angry, I may chose the side of an argument that rational Lucy would never take. In times of sadness or hurt, I accept defeat and can be seen as passive aggressive or indifferent because I don’t have the stamina to defend myself. On the flip side, happiness can make me agree to things I never would. I am easily ruled by an excessive amount of emotion.
7. I can be completely cold
Have you all seen Frozen? Well, the part where she disappears in her crazy cave/ ice castle because she was angry/sad/hurt…yep, that’s me. And if someone tries to run after me and burst in to my crazy cave/ice castle while I am having a moment… that is the perfect set up for them to get hurt. I don’t necessarily want your advice, please don’t touch me, please don’t smother me, because if you insist on doing any of those things, I can’t promise that bad things won’t happen. I need that happy place to center myself, and go on acting like a normal human being…and if there is an intrusion, you will encounter the ice queen that likes to sing when she’s emotional. Okay, Frozen references over…now back to being 19.
8. I take it personally when my friends repeat my mistakes
One of the few times I choose to share personal information about myself, is when I feel like it could prevent them from making the same mistakes I have. The same goes for sharing any information that might defuse a messy situation from happening in general. I am the girl who worries when I see my friend getting with a sketchy guy and is willing to look like an idiot to do everything possible to prevent the same bad things that happened to me, from happening to her. It’s completely irrational, and sometimes it creates more problems than it fixes…but, it happens.
9. I aim so high I have no choice but to fail
If you are a close friend of mine, you saw the devastation that happened in my mind during the two weeks I thought I had only gotten a 3.8 GPA, instead of the 4.0 I set my sights on. My constant need for perfection is something I work hard to control, because for a few years there, I was just perpetually unhappy with my success. Most people would be thrilled with a 3.8, but because I set a personal goal for a 4.0 (perfection), that 3.8 was devastating.
Luckily, I miscalculated my GPA, and when I saw my official transcripts I had indeed gotten my pretty 4.0, but the lesson I learned from that faux 3.8 was a loud and clear. Calm. Down.
10. I can’t stand confrontation and I will avoid it like the plague
I cannot tell you how many times I have just let something blow up because the idea of confronting it was just way too daunting. This is especially true if I really love you. I have been crushed by something that was said or done, but instead of telling the person who brought on the hurt, I forgive them, let it go, and just let myself deal with hurt. Rationally, I know this is a crappy way to handle things, but irrationally, I can’t stand the idea of someone being angry with me… I would rather just be hurt in silence.
So there you have it…most of my crazy, in black and white. I don’t need encouragement, I am not beating myself up, I am writing this with a smile on my face, as I still think I am pretty great…I just thought I should put it out there. I am not perfect, nor did I ever claim to be. As a matter of fact, I am so imperfect that sometimes my imperfections convince people that I think more of myself than I actually do. Ridiculous, right?
I know my flaws people…and I know them well enough to be honest about them and my struggles. Now, can we all be friends?
Do you acknowledge your flaws? What do you about it? Feel free to email me! I’d love to hear from you!
Like many of you, life is not all daisies for me. As a matter of fact, sometimes the only sign of a daisy is a small leaf hanging out of the pile of manure life just placed on it. I know I am not alone in this. So as I bounce back from a terrible week, I invite you to steal some of my ideas for bouncing back from a crappy situation.
1. Acknowledge that it is done and that you cannot go back.
From my break up to getting a smack on the wrist for a blog I posted, I have had to learn the crucial lesson of accepting what is and moving on from it. Though it does seem tempting to just wallow in pity and wish for the days before everything changed, throwing yourself an ice cream filled pity party will get you nowhere but diabetes and an increase in jean sizes.
Ya screwed up, you could’ve done something differently, you loved him, blah blah blah… Acknowledge what happened, come to terms with it, and pat your weave girl, it’s time to move on!
2. Learn from your mistakes
Chances are, most times, whatever knocked you down did not come without reason. Now, that is not to say it’s all your fault. Sometimes that thing was 90% the other persons crazy-a**ness, and 10% your own doing.
But here is the thing… I don’t really care who started it… finish it, and learn from your 10%.
Unless you were totally innocent in the whole ordeal (rrreeeallly think about this), you have something to learn. You’ve already gone through the pain, you’ve already acknowledged that you can’t just go back, so you might as well learn everything you can from the craziness.
3. Look at the positive side
Look at every situation you have that can possibly bring you down and attach at least one positive thought to it. This is actually one of my top secrets for not giving a single sh*t.
You don’t think I’m pretty? That’s cool, because that super hot guy with the banging English accent would lick a homeless man’s toe for a whiff of my dirty socks. You don’t like something I said? That’s cool, because that beautiful 12 year old girl who beats herself up about being ugly finds comfort in knowing that I am dealing with the same insecurities, and loves that I am willing to be honest about my trials.
That one little positive comment can make a huge difference in a sea of negativity. Try it, you might just stay sane and be able to move on with the following tips.
4. Get on with life
What do you stand to gain by revisiting issues from the past? Short answer: Nothing.
That boy? He’s moved on. Your haters? They’ve moved on. Who ever else you can possibly think of? They probably moved on before you were done reading this sentence. So you know what? You need to move on, you need to live your life, and you need to do whatever makes your life better, because that’s exactly what they’re doing.
No one is worth your sadness (not for very long anyway). This last week I let a mumbo jumbo of BS keep me up at night and steal my joy…why am I telling you this? Because I just realized it was stupid and I thought y’all should know.
Did staying up at night to let stupid people/things/words/situations whirl around my head help me in any way? Absolutely not. It just made me miss my statistics class and feel slightly homicidal/hysterically tired the next day.
So following that, I took the advice I just gave you, bought myself a venti caramel macchiato, invested in a stronger concealer, and traded the tears for smiles! Was I totally happy? No, not yet. But I faked it until I made it.
Before I knew it, I was walking with my head held high, the world was a brighter place, and nothing could get me down.
Your daises don’t have to be covered in manure if you don’t want them to be. I rarely succumb to those crappy days, but when I do, this usually helps me out. Now that you know my secrets, tell me yours! How do you overcome bad situations?
“The haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break. And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. I shake it off, I shake it off.”
So last week was a rough one, which is why I decided to take the week off, figure out how I was going to deal with it, and come back smelling like roses.
Even though I am out from under that gray cloud, I have to take the time to thank those of you that acknowledged my absence with love, support, and encouraging words. Your kindness has given me the courage to get back on the horse of blogging and do so without fear. I’ve missed blogging this last week, but learning just how loyal and wonderful my followers are has made this whole blogging experience that much more amazing. You don’t have to read what I have to say, and yet you continue to, and that is extremely special to me!
This break was nice to regroup and choose topics I am genuinely excited to write about, and what didn’t kill me has definitely made me stronger. I feel like the turbulence of last week has left me even more grateful for the wonderful things that are happening and have yet to happen. Never again will I let the hate of others keep me from doing what I love most; writing and connecting with you guys! I will always be honest, I was always be transparent, and I hope you continue enjoying and supporting me in the way that so many of you have.
I have shaken off the hate and the insecurity that followed it, and I’m back and better than ever.
You guys know I love to keep you posted on all of my little life lessons and epiphanies, and this week is no different. This week definitely wasn’t an average one for me as I mentioned I had my first real dating experience, and a party that changed my point of view on a lot of things. Both experiences offered valuable lessons, and here they are:
College parties suck, and I hate being drunk.
I hate it you guys. I hate feeling out of control, I hate feeling like crap the next morning, and I really don’t think it is necessary to have fun. Speaking of fun, I also don’t find your typical college party to be fun at all either. I’ve tried time and time again to understand what is so great about the whole experience and I just can’t. As a matter of fact, every time I came home from a college style party, I usually feel something like this.
Now don’t get me wrong, I do like to party. Enough alcohol to chill out, some dancing, good company…I’m all for that. It’s the shady atmosphere that is usually associated with underage drinking at a house party that is totally awful to me. I don’t like it, sometimes I wish I did, but I don’t, and such is life.
Your friends say a lot about who you are
Like it or not, it is true. Who you spend your time with says a lot about who you are as a person. If you hang out with a bunch of people that like to get wasted and do stupid things (just an example), even if you’re the kid reading in the other room, the chances of someone associating you with the irresponsible freak jobs is pretty high. If that’s a risk you’re willing to take, go for it. Just remember that those people have an influence on you (to varying degrees), and what they do to your reputation and your ideas about life can make or break you as a person.
I learned this lesson the easy way, as it only took a little burn this weekend to make me realize that I have got to steer clear of a group of troublesome friends. I don’t like what they represent, and if I stick around, it is only a matter of time before I either become like them or give the appearance of it.
Sticking to your guns isn’t always easy
This week I decided that I have to walk away from a group of friends because they pose a threat to the kind of person I want to be… and if that weren’t enough, I had my first real dating experience go all wrong because I don’t think a month of dating means we should start sleeping together, and he did.
It is times like that where sticking with my morals wasn’t easy, and it would’ve felt better to just neglect them. As a matter of fact, it kind of makes me feel like crap when a guy that was super in to me just stopped speaking to me because I wasn’t really willing to go against my morals when it came to something as major as sex…Or when I have to make the conscious effort to modify my group of friends because they do things I really don’t agree with.
It sucks, and sometimes it can be painful, but the reward that comes with being true to yourself supersedes the outcome of going against your better judgement, and sometimes it even serves as a protection against the consequences of those feel good actions.
I am beautiful
I have really been struggling with my self-esteem the last month or so, as I mentioned here and here. My self-esteem has taken some pretty big hits, and I think the final hit (because I’m not putting myself in those positions anymore) was one of the biggest. I lost a stupid game of “Who’s Hotter?” by a freakin’ land slide and I don’t think it is possible to be more humiliated or uncomfortablethan I was after that. I spent the night in a house full of guys who had acknowledged during this terrible game that my friend had the better body, “sexy face”, and personality. It hurt me, especially because I really liked the boy who voted on the tie breaker of the hottest face… I came home and cried on my dad’s shoulder and told him all about how embarrassed I was and how hideous I felt. After about an hour into that meltdown, I realized something…
I am beautiful. Losing that demeaning game makes me beautiful. Knowing that there are respectful, handsome, well educated, sober men that respect my mind, my personality, and my sexuality…that makes me beautiful. So I lost a game of “Who’s Hotter?” being played by a group of drunk high school boys who cant tell the difference between ur, your, or you’re, and only want me for the things I’m not willing to give… If that makes me less hot/sexy/desirable, I guess I’ll just settle for being beautiful in every definition of the word (not just appearance).
Learning these lessons hurt, I’m not going to lie…but this is me choosing to grow from the pain instead of letting it cripple me (or ruin my self-esteem).
Have you had to learn any of these lessons? How did you deal with it? Did they make you stronger? Let me know!