I Am Beautiful…and Other Lessons

You guys know I love to keep you posted on all of my little life lessons and epiphanies, and this week is no different. This week definitely wasn’t an average one for me as I mentioned I had my first real dating experience, and a party that changed my point of view on a lot of things. Both experiences offered valuable lessons, and here they are:

College parties suck, and I hate being drunk.

I hate it you guys. I hate feeling out of control, I hate feeling like crap the next morning, and I really don’t think it is necessary to have fun. Speaking of fun, I also don’t find your typical college party to be fun at all either. I’ve tried time and time again to understand what is so great about the whole experience and I just can’t. As a matter of fact, every time I came home from a college style party, I usually feel something like this.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do like to party. Enough alcohol to chill out, some dancing, good company…I’m all for that. It’s the shady atmosphere that is usually associated with underage drinking at a house party that is totally awful to me. I don’t like it, sometimes I wish I did, but I don’t, and such is life.

Now that was a good party
Now that was a good party

Your friends say a lot about who you are

Like it or not, it is true. Who you spend your time with says a lot about who you are as a person. If you hang out with a bunch of people that like to get wasted and do stupid things (just an example), even if you’re the kid reading in the other room, the chances of someone associating you with the irresponsible freak jobs is pretty high. If that’s a risk you’re willing to take, go for it. Just remember that those people have an influence on you (to varying degrees), and what they do to your reputation and your ideas about life can make or break you as a person.  

I learned this lesson the easy way, as it only took a little burn this weekend to make me realize that I have got to steer clear of a group of troublesome friends. I don’t like what they represent, and if I stick around, it is only a matter of time before I either become like them or give the appearance of it.

Sticking to your guns isn’t always easy

This week I decided that I have to walk away from a group of friends because they pose a threat to the kind of person I want to be… and if that weren’t enough, I had my first real dating experience go all wrong because I don’t think a month of dating means we should start sleeping together, and he did.

It is times like that where sticking with my morals wasn’t easy, and it would’ve felt better to just neglect them. As a matter of fact, it kind of makes me feel like crap when a guy that was super in to me just stopped speaking to me because I wasn’t really willing to go against my morals when it came to something as major as sex…Or when I have to make the conscious effort to modify my group of friends because they do things I really don’t agree with.

It sucks, and sometimes it can be painful, but the reward that comes with being true to yourself supersedes the outcome of going against your better judgement, and sometimes it even serves as a protection against the consequences of those feel good actions.

I am beautiful

IMG_5715
Insert emotional selfie

I have really been struggling with my self-esteem the last month or so, as I mentioned here and here. My self-esteem has taken some pretty big hits, and I think the final hit (because I’m not putting myself in those positions anymore) was one of the biggest. I lost a stupid game of “Who’s Hotter?” by a freakin’ land slide and I don’t think it is possible to be more humiliated or uncomfortable than I was after that. I spent the night in a house full of guys who had acknowledged during this terrible game that my friend had the better body, “sexy face”, and personality. It hurt me, especially because I really liked the boy who voted on the tie breaker of the hottest face…  I came home and cried on my dad’s shoulder and told him all about how embarrassed I was and how hideous I felt. After about an hour into that meltdown, I realized something…

I am beautiful. Losing that demeaning game makes me beautiful. Knowing that there are respectful, handsome, well educated, sober men that respect my mind, my personality, and my sexuality…that makes me beautiful. So I lost a game of “Who’s Hotter?” being played by a group of drunk high school boys who cant tell the difference between ur, your, or you’re, and only want me for the things I’m not willing to give… If that makes me less hot/sexy/desirable, I guess I’ll just settle for being beautiful in every definition of the word (not just appearance).

Learning these lessons hurt, I’m not going to lie…but this is me choosing to grow from the pain instead of letting it cripple me (or ruin my self-esteem).

Have you had to learn any of these lessons? How did you deal with it? Did they make you stronger? Let me know!

Thanks for reading,

Much love,

Lucy Loves Life and her random epiphanies xx

 

 

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3 thoughts on “I Am Beautiful…and Other Lessons

  1. You did great. I’ve known many who have given in for less.

    Keep at life with that attitude, not comprising on your values, surrounding yourself with the crowd that is right for you, knowing in your own mind you are beautiful, and you’ll go far. You’ll go beyond what many don’t even dream about.

    Way to go Lucy! Keep it up!

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