From a nasty comment from a not so anonymous reader, to a snarling, gossiping freak job… it has come to my attention that people get the impression that I think I’m perfect. As I mention below…. hahahahahahahahaha…oh honey boo-boo…how wrong you are.
I have my issues…as a matter of fact, one of the reasons I started this blog was to have a forum to process my craziness and share it with you. However, I do realize, that by the time I make a post, I have already processed it, learned a lesson from it, and leave out all the Lucy bashing in between.
So for those of you that take the time to read one blog where I sound a little conceited…here is a guide with all of things wrong with me…just to keep things in perspective.
1. I am the most awkward person you will ever meet
Seriously… I know that I look pulled together, but in reality, my mind is an awkward place to live. I laugh hysterically when I’m nervous, I make jokes in public that only I understand (and laugh at them), I find intense conversations with most people to be difficult, and when it comes to dating…there are few things in this world as awkward as me on a date with someone I haven’t known for ages.
2. I don’t like to do anything I am not above average in
A friend of mine would joke with me and say that he let me win at card games because if the win to lose ration got too big, I refused to play. Ridiculous, no? I will try most things at least once, but if I discover I’m not extraordinarily good at what I am doing, the chances of continuing that activity are quite low.
3. I am a control freak
This is the main reason I don’t like being drunk, I don’t like to be a guest for more than a few days, and I always need my own money (freedom). Being at the whim of someone else puts a massive strain on my mental state. I have to have my say, I have to have control of my space, diet, exercise, schedule, all things Lucy need to be in my control. I can lose that control for a few days…but don’t push it.
4. I am insanely critical of myself
Recently, a lot of people have started to think that I am hyper critical of everyone mentioned on my blog, and unable to see my own flaws. To all those people…..hahahahahahahaha, I wish. I can see all of my flaws brighter than I care to…I can even see the flaws most of you can’t. If you think I’m critical of others, you should see what I say to myself. Yeah, I think you’re a douche if you’re rude to me, and I may even write about it…but what you don’t see is the mental abuse I put myself through over any little reason I might have given you to hurt me. Anything negative that you can think about me, I have probably already spent months raking myself over the coals for.
5. I mean one thing and say something else
I have this insane ability to mean one thing, and translate it to mean something totally different to those around me. It takes someone I know really well to make sense of my head sometimes. I have gotten into arguments with people that agree with me, but if their words veer away from what I have rationalized it in my head, there is something about my mind that can’t handle that.
6. My emotions can get the best of me
I am passionate about everything I do, and life events are no different. This is one of those places where it is very easy for me to say one thing and rationally mean another. If I’m angry, I may chose the side of an argument that rational Lucy would never take. In times of sadness or hurt, I accept defeat and can be seen as passive aggressive or indifferent because I don’t have the stamina to defend myself. On the flip side, happiness can make me agree to things I never would. I am easily ruled by an excessive amount of emotion.
7. I can be completely cold
Have you all seen Frozen? Well, the part where she disappears in her crazy cave/ ice castle because she was angry/sad/hurt…yep, that’s me. And if someone tries to run after me and burst in to my crazy cave/ice castle while I am having a moment… that is the perfect set up for them to get hurt. I don’t necessarily want your advice, please don’t touch me, please don’t smother me, because if you insist on doing any of those things, I can’t promise that bad things won’t happen. I need that happy place to center myself, and go on acting like a normal human being…and if there is an intrusion, you will encounter the ice queen that likes to sing when she’s emotional. Okay, Frozen references over…now back to being 19.
8. I take it personally when my friends repeat my mistakes
One of the few times I choose to share personal information about myself, is when I feel like it could prevent them from making the same mistakes I have. The same goes for sharing any information that might defuse a messy situation from happening in general. I am the girl who worries when I see my friend getting with a sketchy guy and is willing to look like an idiot to do everything possible to prevent the same bad things that happened to me, from happening to her. It’s completely irrational, and sometimes it creates more problems than it fixes…but, it happens.
9. I aim so high I have no choice but to fail
If you are a close friend of mine, you saw the devastation that happened in my mind during the two weeks I thought I had only gotten a 3.8 GPA, instead of the 4.0 I set my sights on. My constant need for perfection is something I work hard to control, because for a few years there, I was just perpetually unhappy with my success. Most people would be thrilled with a 3.8, but because I set a personal goal for a 4.0 (perfection), that 3.8 was devastating.
Luckily, I miscalculated my GPA, and when I saw my official transcripts I had indeed gotten my pretty 4.0, but the lesson I learned from that faux 3.8 was a loud and clear. Calm. Down.
10. I can’t stand confrontation and I will avoid it like the plague
I cannot tell you how many times I have just let something blow up because the idea of confronting it was just way too daunting. This is especially true if I really love you. I have been crushed by something that was said or done, but instead of telling the person who brought on the hurt, I forgive them, let it go, and just let myself deal with hurt. Rationally, I know this is a crappy way to handle things, but irrationally, I can’t stand the idea of someone being angry with me… I would rather just be hurt in silence.
So there you have it…most of my crazy, in black and white. I don’t need encouragement, I am not beating myself up, I am writing this with a smile on my face, as I still think I am pretty great…I just thought I should put it out there. I am not perfect, nor did I ever claim to be. As a matter of fact, I am so imperfect that sometimes my imperfections convince people that I think more of myself than I actually do. Ridiculous, right?
I know my flaws people…and I know them well enough to be honest about them and my struggles. Now, can we all be friends?
Do you acknowledge your flaws? What do you about it? Feel free to email me! I’d love to hear from you!
Lucy Loves Life, and all of her crazy xx