I took a stroll down memory lane (old tweets) to show my little sister a hilarious drunk tweet from a party I went to in the summer of 2013. I acknowledged what a wonderful role model I am, found the tweet, we laughed, and life was good…but I also found an unexpected moment of nostalgia.
I was reminded that the summer of 2013 was of one of the most beautiful/special times in my life. This was the case for many reasons (new friends, parties, traveling…), but the most obvious reason, was him. I was madly in love, I believed I had found my soul mate (barf), and every day was my own little fairy tale.
It was very bittersweet to see just how in love I was.
I have gotten to a place in life where I’m not even sure if love like that is real; but that summer, I believed it with all of my heart, and I miss those times. Not so much the love, but the belief that fairy tales happen. I miss a time when love and relationships weren’t just some formula of personality and attachment theory (psych problems) turned into lifetime partnership.
I see love in a very pragmatic, often skeptical way. Looking at our love with my knowledge of people kind of made it easier to lose and move on from it. When I got into dissecting our personalities, I realized we don’t have the right formula, it all makes sense, and life goes on.
But last night, that’s not what I saw. My 2013 Twitter feed wasn’t full of a girl looking to dissect anything… It was full of a girl that was counting down the days until her love came home from France, reminiscing on the beginning of their first trip together as the best day of her life, and dreading the idea of going back to her house, because her home and her happiness became wherever he was. It flooded my mind with the memories, both significant and mundane, but all wonderful.
I see so much beauty in people that fall into the right formula, and experience the phenomena of love. With as many odds as there are, love that ticks every box manages to happen every day, and I have to appreciate that.
For myself, it seems dismal. The more I learn about how people operate, the scarier it is to trust someone with my heart without a full psychological evaluation and a thorough diagnostic of our compatibility (only slightly joking here).
But this morning, I woke up with a new perspective.
I know how many different ways it can go wrong, I know how hard it is for people to truly live happily ever after, and I have read all of the case studies that break romance down to a science… but I want someone to come along and make me believe in fairy tales again. I don’t want case studies, I want magic. I want a love that makes no sense to me, a love I can’t dissect. I want the part of love that science has yet to figure out because it’s so irrational and so against the formula, and somehow it manages to work. I want my beautiful.
I want to believe in more than just the idea of it… I want to know it’s real.
Lucy Loves Life… and drunk tweets xx