On days like today, being 20 is exciting, but it is also terrifying. I understand everyone else, but never myself. Sometimes that is interesting, but when I am trying to make decisions, it’s just scary. Everybody has questions that I can’t answer; sometimes I like the challenge, and at other time I really hate every part of it. On days like today, it all just seems like too much, and I want someone else to know; I want someone I feel okay ‘not knowing’ with.
On a day like today, I feel weak and totally unsure of everything, and I miss having someone to make sense of it all. In a world where I hide every ugly part, it is easy to miss having someone that saw everything… sometimes without explanation. Opening up to someone takes a great amount of effort, and when I feel weak/unsure, I want effortless. I want to let down all of my guards and just be vulnerable, because it’s too much work to hide. Today, I don’t want to be the one who has all the answers; I want someone who knows what to say, to make me ask all of the questions, they have all of the answers to.
That might be unrealistic and a little ridiculous, but I never promised to be rational, not today anyway.
Lucy Loves Life… And feeling like I’ve lost the plot xx