I Have Given Everything

I feel like I’m going through a part of my life where I just want to crawl into a cave, be selfish, and come back out when I’m ready to be a functioning member of society.

The last couple of days have been extremely taxing on my emotions, and I need a break from being there for everyone. Even those that love me exhaust my emotions, and they don’t even know it. At this point in time, I need someone to give to me. I need someone to give me time, comfort, advice, affection, and conversation; all of the things I feel drained of. I need someone to make me talk about myself and my feelings, because I feel trapped. I need someone to care about me the way I care about them.

Notice how I said “care” and not “love.” I have loads of people that love me, but I need someone that cares. A friend, a boyfriend, a cat… I’m not even particular anymore. I need to be alone with someone who lets me just be. I am tired of talking about things that dont interest me to make people feel better, I am tired of faking laughs because I dont want to hurt anyones feelings, and I’m tired of giving people what they want to know about me while they leave behind all the pieces that matter.

I am there for people in some of their rawest moments, and I spend my days letting them know that everything will be okay. My family, my friends, and my “clients” (for lack of a better word). Everyone wants something from me, but lately, nobody has given anything back.

I feel overwhelmed, discarded, and selfish.  I feel like I want someone to walk into my room, see me in the terrible state that I’m in at the moment, and give me everything they have like I’d do for them. I want someone to make me talk about myself until it all makes sense.

I would never give myself with the expectation of getting something back every time, but today, I am spent. I have given everything, and I am tired. I am going to crawl into a metaphorical cave and rejuvenate. I need peace. I need to feel whole.

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life…and silence xx 


3 thoughts on “I Have Given Everything

  1. I know how this feel and it sucks. Surround yourself with people who can give you a safe space to vent if possible. The thing about this time period is that it is also a time of growth and getting to know yourself. It may not feel like this in the moment, but your future self will look at these moments and appreciate how far you will go.

  2. After reading your post, I felt as if I was reading myself. Those words and those feelings felt so familiar. But they weren’t mine.

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