New Blog: The Big Model

Hey guys! Long time now speak, for the best reason ever!

I’ve kind of stepped back to give myself the time and creative renewal to put together a blog that I have been dreaming of since beginning this blog.

My new blog is all about fashion, health, and body positivity; I couldn’t be more proud of it.

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thebigmodel.com is now live and I hope you guys will pay a visit and enjoy it as much as I’ve enjoyed putting it together!

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Healthy and Skinny Are Not Synonymous

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A few months ago, I decided to stop fighting my body. As a woman that is 5’10”, a size 12/14, with a large body composition (yes, I really am big boned, seriously, buying bracelets requires elastic), I was very insecure with my size in many respects, and for years I could hear the guy I had a crush on in 8th grade asking me if I was a man. When you think of femininity and grace, most people wouldn’t think of a super tall chick with curves for weeks and a big (not necessarily fat) body. I really didn’t feel sexy, I honestly just felt like Khloe Kardashian in her chubby days; towering over everyone and struggling to be the “hot sister.”

Naturally, my first resort to sort out this problem was trying to get skinny. I totally cleaned up my diet an eliminated all added sugar, wheat, gluten, dairy, soy, and legumes. I bumped up my workout schedule, and guess what? Nothing happened. Well, nothing weight related. I did lose a few pounds, my skin cleared up, my mind was sharper, and I really did feel amazing, but that scale didn’t budge more than seven pounds, regardless of what I ate, for nearly six months. So then I began the fight with not only eating extremely clean, but also calorie counting. I guess this is a good time to tell you I was on the verge of a Britney Spears circa 2007 style meltdown all the time. I cut my calories from about 1500-1800 calories to about 1200 calories, and every week that I stepped on the scale or measured myself to find out nothing had changed, my family knew to hide the umbrellas in preparation.

I really did fight with my body for a long time, and then one day it hit me.

I am perfectly healthy. I eat better than I ever have, I exercise, and I keep my mind sharp and active…so what the hell is there to freak out about? A number? Someone to tell me I look like a woman?  I am running optimally, and this is what my body looks like. Even on a liquid diet, the smallest I’ll ever be is a size 8, maybe 10, tough shit. I could either embrace that or continue to lose my fight against how I am built.

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The decision to embrace my body changed my life. I decided to take my height, my curves, and all of my bigger than life-ness, and put it to work. As it turns out, there are people out there willing to pay me a lot of money for the things I spent nearly a year fighting. Case in point, I have wanted to model for years, but I always held off  until I was just a little bit smaller. After embracing myself, I walked into an agency and gave myself a chance. Initially, I lied and said I was a size 10, and my agent said “oh that’s a real shame. You are exactly what we are looking for. You’re tall, curvy, and toned… but you’re too small.”

I decided to cut that crap and told her to measure me. Long story short, I bypassed the 2-3 week waiting time necessary to deliberate whether they sign a model, and walked out that day with a contract.

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I took a chance on myself, I became the healthiest version of myself, and I stopped letting my insecurities cripple me. My relationship with food has changed as I dont live in a constant state of deprivation for the sake of being skinny. My relationship with exercise has changed because it is no longer something I do expecting to see some drastic change in my weight.I eat well to have nice skin, to feel good, to sleep well, and to think clearly. I indulge selectively, but carry no guilt afterwards because having one flan while on vacation in Florida (A MUST) might cause a small weight fluctuation (which used to panic me), but it will not undo everything I ate to build my health before then.

The reality is, my life has changed now that I live to be healthy and not skinny, because despite what society says, the two are not synonymous. 

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life… and being the hot sister xx 

 

 

 

Tonight’s Intention: Trust

Today’s intention:

Trust.

I thought I had gotten over the experience of being disappointed; but it dawned on me about a week ago that I treat myself and others, as if it’s only a matter of time before I allow them to hurt me. I expect everyone I love to disappoint me, and I expect that I will only choose to love people that will inevitably hurt me. I’ve done it before, I will do it again, and that’s all I have been able to see. One of the biggest losses I’ve experienced in the last year wasn’t a relationship, but instead, the trust I had in myself to make decisions that would encourage love and happiness.

Tonight, during my sweaty yoga session… I will trust my body to move as it should, and when I walk away, I will focus on trusting my heart and my mind to love and feel as it should.

Much love,

Lucy Loves Life…and hot yoga xx

Make Me Better But Never Perfect

Tonight’s Yoga Intention:


You are beautiful.

I have been on the Whole30 for two months (approaching the end of my second round), I work out five times a week, I practice hot yoga at least twice a week, and practice for 20/30 minutes after exercising on non-studio days… I feel healthy inside and out, and yet, sometimes I’m insecure. Sometimes I don’t want healthy, I want perfect, and I am beginning to see that the two will never meet.

Most days I can see my 5’11″ self, with my tiny waist, long legs, and wildly curly hair; and I appreciate the beauty in that, and how fortunate I am to be made the way I am. But as photo-shoots approach and scales/measurement don’t move, all I can see is the extra fat on my long legs, the extra tummy on my tiny waist, and the fact that I am not, and have never been exactly where I want to be as far as my body is concerned.

Unfortunately, today is one of those “you’re not pretty enough, postpone the photo-shoot” kind of days.
So tonight, when I’m exhaling my stress, I will focus on what makes me beautiful. I will focus on my heart, my mind, and my body, in attempts to understand that they work together to make me better, not perfect.

Much love,

Lucy Loves Life… and getting ready for the camera xx

Today’s Intention: Brains, Booty, and Beauty

Today’s yoga intention:

Don’t run. You will be successful in everything you work for. 

Today I am kind of feeling the stress that comes with school, relationships, and work. Everything is at a crossroads at the moment, and that is always a very scary place to be in. I am the kind of person who likes to know everything, and right now, I am at a place where I know nothing… But that’s okay. 

Today, I will pop on my yoga pants, check out my bum in the mirror, and remind myself that I have yet to truly fail. I work extremely hard, and so far, I have seen the reward of that. I have yet to drop my GPA, I would like to think the people in my life are happy (as far as I can control), and I haven’t lacked for anything, ever. 

Today, I feel a bit scared to look a month in advance; but I need to remind myself that I am brains, booty, and beauty, and there is nothing I can’t do. 

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life…and yoga pants xx 

P.S. My yoga intentions can sound a bit confident and sometimes a little arrogant; but I think true arrogance comes from people who don’t talk themselves up enough in their inner-monologue. I spend loads of time beating myself up, and it’s not working…So maybe telling myself I am thebomb.com will…who knows?

Yoga Intentions

Before every yoga practice, the instructor will have the class stop for a moment to meditate on your intention. I normally focus on saying things like, “I am strong,” “I am beautiful,” or some other self motivating mantra to drill into my head as I detach from my worries, and focus on myself.

Usually, I am pretty good at coming up with these on my own, but this week, my instructor gave me my intention without even knowing it. She said,

 “What you can do today, you may not be able to do in a year, what you did last year, you may not be able to do today, and in a year, you may be able to do things that you can’t do today. Yoga teaches you humility, to enjoy the present moment, and just go with the flow.” 

At this time of year, it is hardest for me to accept what I see as failures. It is the time when I evaluate my “what-ifs” and reminisce on something that is no longer, and will never be again.

But today, as I throw on my yoga pants and get ready to head into the studio, I will be reminding myself….

Who and what I am today is something I thought to be impossible a year or two ago, who and what I was with and experiencing a year or two ago will never be the same again, and in the next year or two, these anniversaries may not even cross my mind, as who and what I am, along with who I love and what I want, will be astronomically different than it is today.

I have to humble myself and stop believing it is me that has any control. I need to humble myself and just let go. I am strong, and I am beautiful, but what I sometimes forget is that I worthy of all good things. I need to realize that when one good thing comes to an end, the next good thing follows, and before that even ends, the next best thing is already on it’s way. That’s the way it’s always been, and I need to trust the flow and myself.

Today’s intention: In the present, I am worthy of love and success. Because of that, I cannot miss what was, more than I anticipate what is to come. 

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life…and yoga intentions xx 

Whole 30, Day 10: The Struggle is Real

Has this happened to any of you Whole 30-ers?

I finally had a moment of ” I hate this, I want ice cream,” yesterday. I was unbelievably cranky and totally down in the dumps.  For what reason? I don’t actually know, all I know is that I wanted sugar.

I didn’t want to get dressed up, I didn’t want to go out, I didn’t want to exercise, and I really didn’t want to crack away at my massive list of “things to do before New York.” I wanted a lazy day, but I also didn’t want to sit around. I was basically miserable and the only remedy I could think of was cake.

With that, I took the day as slowly as I could. My workout consisted of walking on the treadmill, while watching Russell Howard’s Good News (HILARIOUS), and staring out of the window. I figured at least getting my steps in would count for something, right? I went to my happy place (the kitchen) and whipped up a new recipe (yum) for dinner, which always lifts my mood a little bit…

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Can you tell we really like mango salsa?

For dessert, I did something totally against the rules and made banana and egg pancakes. I know, I know…OOOOOH Lucy cheated.

It was fantastic. Letting myself “cheat” took away this intense anxiety and miserable feeling I was having, I didn’t technically eat anything against the rules, and no one died; that’s my idea of a win-win situation.

So maybe I failed at getting beyond that psychological hurdle; but with a 10 page essay, a psych exam to study for, a room to unpack, a suitcase to pack, and other random activities on my to-do list, conquering my psychological attachment to banana-egg pancakes was the least of my worries.

On the bright side: I am seeing a huge decrease in bloating, and loving it!

Much love,

Lucy Loves Life…and mango-avocado salad xx

Whole 30: Week 1 and Already A Junkie

I have officially completed week one on the Whole 30.

I’m not going to lie, I have pretty much loved every second, even the difficult ones. Why, you may ask?

  1. I have kind of fallen in love with cooking, it is my new happy place
  2. I no longer obsess over what I’m going to eat
  3. I eat because I’m hungry, not because it’s “time” or any other stupid reason
  4. I don’t obsess over working out
  5. I don’t feel deprived

So, first of all…I really have fallen in love with cooking. After a long day, I really look forward to finding a new recipe and giving it a go. The Whole 30’s new way of eating opens up a whole new way of cooking and eating, and I’m not going to lie, I’ve been geeking out over it this week. My favourite recipe? BOOM. I am literally obsessed, try it.

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So I know I said I’m obsessed with that dish (and I could totes eat it every night); but I don’t actually obsess over what I eat. Because I know everything I eat under the guidelines is a step in the healthy direction, I have no stress. I don’t worry about how many times a day I am going to eat, I don’t measure anything, I don’t eat because it’s time, or stop eating because there is an allotted portion. I eat when I’m hungry, I eat until I am no longer hungry, and food doesn’t control my life.

Neither does working out. I stay active, I wear a fit bit to track my activity to make sure I am moving enough, and I make sure I keep that activity by doing things I enjoy. Do I workout? Of course, that is part of staying healthy; but I don’t obsess over it anymore; I don’t put myself down if I could only fit in cardio but no weights or vice versa, and I will turn down a hard core gym session to go for a bike ride with my little brother.

Last but not least, I don’t feel deprived, not even a little bit. As a girl who’s house is filled with bread, wine, and dessert every Friday night, I know all about temptation.  I was actually really worried about this weekend, but I happy to report that I wasn’t at all tempted; on the contrary, I took a sip of grape juice and felt like someone had punched me. It was so sweet that all things dessert/sweet/diabetes inducing became terribly unattractive after that. I was glad to trade the apple pie for some mango, and all was good with the world.

So the the fun part; Results

Not only have I found my independence from the ball and chain that is health and fitness, I also lost 3.5 pounds. I know that you’re not supposed to weigh yourself, but it does help me stay motivated (or show me where to make some improvements), and that’s exactly what it did this week.

Granted, I’m sure some of that is water weight from the significant drop in bloating (because dear lort my body loves to hold on to water), but that is kind of amazing. I dont slave over food, I dont slave over workouts; I live happily and carefree and I still lost 3.5 pounds. Amazeballs.

How are you guys doing? Let me know!

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life…and coconut “rice” xx 

 

Whole 30 and A Whole Chicken

Today is only day five, and I kind of promised that I would only update once a week, but today has been serious. I heard of the tales of the dreaded “Whole 30, day five,” and as I have had a pretty smooth ride so far, I wasn’t exactly worried.  Well, day 5 did bring a serious challenge and I am wondering if any of you deal/ have dealt with the same thing.

At around 10 this morning, I started to get a little hungry and immediately after realizing that, I was craving a rotisserie chicken. Seems simple enough, right? WRONG.

I live about an hour (45 minutes in good traffic) from the closest kosher market, so getting your hands on a fresh rotisserie chicken is no easy task…but I NEEDED it. When my significant other/delivery service told me how inconvenient it was, I had two options in my mind 1. starve or 2. cry everywhere. I chose the unmentioned third option, complain/beg for chicken.

I mean, how ridiculous is that? He was offering to bring me salmon with veggies, eggs with veggies, a burger, all kinds of delicious goodness; but I NEEEEEDED the chicken. 

So day five wasn’t hard because I was craving junk food, I actually still don’t miss any of it, not even when I am hungry… But day five flipped this switch that most people would baccarat me for; I am hungry, I have my mind set on what I want to eat, and if I cant have it, I literally rather starve…or cry until I’m not hungry anymore. Yes…seriously.

The struggle was real.
The struggle was real.

I am happy to report that my near tears plea worked and we drove 45 minutes to get my chicken. I happily devoured half of it with my bare hands, and with an enthusiasm that may have my coworkers concerned… #noregrets

I was Whole 30 compliant, full, and happy with life.

Has this ever happened to any of you fellow Whole 30-ers?

Much Love, 

Lucy Loves Life… and clearly, chicken xx

Whole 30 with a Student Who Never Sits Still

If you haven’t done so already, check out the Whole 9 (the brand and basic ideology behind the diet) and Whole 30 (the diet). This is the diet/lifestyle change I have taken on for many reasons ranging from weight loss to better skin. I figured this would be a cool adventure to take you guys on as I not only follow the program, but do it while keeping kosher, traveling, and going to school full time. I am a busy girl, but what good is a diet if I can’t follow it and live my life?

To the fun part: What I ate today.

Without too much fluff, let’s just jump right in!

For breakfast, I feel like I ate an unbelievable amount of food

Avocado baked eggs, sautéed kale, and an entire mango made up the ultra satisfying breakfast I had yesterday (I’m still dreaming about making that again).

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For lunch, I was in the blogging zone enough to take a picture, but here is a recipe for the beautiful burger I had, along with a side of sweet potato wedges.

 

Dinner was also very exciting, and after a workout, even more exciting! Salmon with avocado and mango salsa with asparagus to top it all off.

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Though you’re not supposed to snack, I did have 4 dates before a workout as I was feeling a little hungry and needed the energy to get through it.

To the even funner part: How I felt today.  

One word, incredible. Granted, there is still time to go through withdrawals, but I’m going to say that today my healthy-ish diet before the Whole 30 has paid off and lessened the blow. The only thing that really reminded me that I was doing this whole sugar-free lifestyle was the awesome headache due to caffeine withdrawal. I don’t miss coffee yet, but my body really did.

I have gone into this with a very positive attitude as I really agree with the ideas presented by the Whole 9. I love the emphasis on doing things you enjoy to workout (even if it’s just a walk), being outdoors, spending time doing activities with your family/spouse, and really focusing on being healthy as opposed to taking the quickest (most painful) route to skinny-land.

So, I’m not sure if it is my attitude or the true effectiveness of the Whole 30; but it’s day one and I feel amazing.  I didn’t spend the day feeling miserable as I worked towards fixing a body I hate. I felt like I was fueling a body that I love (and want to improve) on a level greater than just a number. I didn’t spend any time hungry today, I got through a decent workout (that I actually enjoyed), and I really felt like I was in tune with myself.

I won’t be doing a day-by-day of this whole thing, just because I myself wouldn’t want to read that. But I will update weekly with progress, thoughts, and my favourite recipes!

Much love,

Lucy Loves Life..and mangos/avocados xx