Last Monday, I left New York. Last Monday I got in the taxi to head to the airport with butterflies in my stomach. I had fallen madly in love on so many levels, but on every level, there were my dreams.
Being home, it is so easy to forget what I am working so hard to accomplish; so much so, that the idea of settling down and just accepting the state of comfort I live my life in now, didn’t seem so bad.
It had been so long since I had last felt butterflies, that I was beginning to forget just how wonderful and worth the risk they really are. New York taught me that the tingling in your stomach and that smile on your face don’t just come from falling in love with a guy, because there is more to that.
Yes, the guy part is great, but I fell in love with Columbia University, I fell in love with the city, I fell in love with what could happen if I just put all of my efforts into making my dreams a reality.
The most important; I fell in love with never settling. Those butterflies? I need them. They drive me to be better, to accomplish things I wouldn’t normally think possible, and they make life worth living.
It took a weekend trip to find my butterflies, but I did.
I wake up every day working back to that place; with him, with them, with that school, with that city, with the place that I feel fulfilled in a way that will never let me fall into ‘just comfortable’ ever again.
My next post I will bombard you all with pictures and random descriptions with my adventures; but for now, I am enjoying the rejuvenation that came with my weekend away.
I have done loads of traveling, and even been to New York, but this is the first time I have planned a trip, paid for it, and plan to execute said plans completely on my own. On top of that, I planned this trip to happen towards the end of the semester and in the middle of moving houses. Have I completely lost it? Yeah, probably…but I need this.
Remember that post where I was boo-hooing at the state of my stagnant, dull life and reminiscing on what used to be? Remember how I said I needed a solution? Well, this is it.
For the last year-ish, I have worried more about surviving than thriving. To an extent, I had to. I started college and with that comes loads of responsibility and the need to find security and well being. But somewhere in the last year-ish, I lost the balance. I let myself become so consumed with “what-if’s” and big girl dilemmas, that I let myself forget that I am 20 and will never be this carefree again.
I have spent so long worrying about tuition, credit card bills, and how many material things I could buy, that I have forgotten what is most important; living my life and not letting it live me.
So, this trip is slightly terrifying. It’s expensive, it’s totally new, and it’s right in the middle of all of my grown up responsibilities; but there is so much more to life than that. When I am on my death bed some day, I won’t look back and care that I never maxed out my credit card, I won’t remember that one assignment I didn’t have time for (don’t worry, there will be extra credit lol), and I won’t remember those random material things…
But I am pretty sure I will always remember the first time I threw myself in the middle of New York City by myself, for myself. I will remember the laughs shared with the few friends I have there, and the experience of navigating that big, beautiful city on my own.
So my credit card may get a little stretched, I may not leave my room perfectly unpacked, and I may very well have to do A LOT of extra-credit. Thats okay, because at the end of the day, 95 year old Lucy approves, and that’s all that matters.
I miss my life. I miss the life where I spent more time laughing than crying or stressing. I miss the life when beautiful people thought I was beautiful too. I miss waking up in different places. I miss feeling intimidated by someone. I miss getting all dressed up with somewhere to go. I miss being around people that excite and challenge me. I miss my extraordinary. I miss being impressive to people who impress me. I miss compliments that mean something. I miss waking up with a purpose; to thrive, not just survive.
By all accounts I am the best I can be, I am “successful” at everything I have taken on… but does any of that matter when I can’t remember the last time I was happy?
I am really unhappy and realizing that something needs to change, but I have no idea how to go back to the life I miss.
Maybe I’m not meant to go back. Maybe I need to use that desire for what I had to fuel my reason for waking up. Maybe the solution is to go, do, and see whatever it is that makes me happy.
Maybe this is the part of my life where I get so lost, I have no choice but to find myself.
What is, and how does one receive the Very Inspiring Blogger Award? Well, I was given the award by Hilary and I am supposed tell you seven things about myself, then pass this on to another blogger that inspires me!
Soooo here we go…
1.I am madly in love with travel, and am working my butt off to get into a university in England. I hope that with studying there I not only get to experience England, but also other parts of Europe (during my free time of course).
2. I am a classically trained singer… but it’s not what I want as a career, therefore, I only really sing in my room to remind myself I have a talent, and that is enough of that.
3. I write ALL the time. Seriously, I have apps on my phone for random thoughts through out the day, my blog for my thought out ideas, and paper back notebooks (which I write in every night).
4. My favorite post from myself has to be “Is Hollywood Ruining Women?” because modesty and the way women carry themselves really is really important to me (for many reasons).
5. I understand everything I hear or read in Spanish, but I am literally incapable of speaking it. Seriously, it makes no sense…but I plan on taking a class this semester to sharpen up on my skills and start speaking it.
6. I would rather be overdressed than under-dressed. I have a deep love for fashion and always dressing well. I actually feel really odd and out of place if I’m not slightly overdressed (within reason of course). I feel the most confident when I’m wearing a great pencil skirt, a silk blouse, and a well fitted jacket (if the weather calls for it here in Dallas), and if all else fails, a simple dress with a killer pair of shoes doesn’t hurt either.
7. I am a proud owner of the cutest chihuahua, ever. No seriously, he is five pounds of adorable. I will proudly admit to the my crazy dog lady status, just thought y’all should know.
So there you have it, seven things about me. Huge thanks to Hilary for giving me this award! To keep this going, go have a look at Say Hello to Gorgeous! Her blog is awesome, and it feeds my beauty product obsessed soul.
Well guys, I’ve made it through my first month in blog land. I’ve decided that after every month I will recap what the last month taught me, and my new goals for the month to come. We will call this Where Is She Now: Lucy Edition. Like that Oprah show, but a thousand times cornier, and without, ya know, Oprah.
Because I have a million different things going, let’s break this into segments:
Diet & Fitness:
Wow oh wow. Quite a bit has changed in the last month, in a way that looks nothing like I thought it would a month ago. I made this trip with the intentions of completing the Whole 30, being a little cardio bunny, and looking super awesome when I left, see here for more detail.
Long story short, that didn’t happen. For the first week, I was eating really well, keeping the Whole 30 detox plan perfectly…and then my love of ice cream hit. It became pretty obvious that this extreme dieting wasn’t going to work out, as realized here. So I kind of just stuffed my face and started scrambling for something different. After watching Fat Head, I decided to give the 100 grams of carbs or less a day thing a chance. OH. MY. GOODNESS.
Where has this been all my life?!
Life was splendid. I knew how much I was eating, I could plan for a cheat (that wouldn’t actually screw me up), and life became simple/freakin awesome.
As for fitness, if you hadn’t guessed…I didn’t become a cardio bunny. On the contrary, I lift, like… properly. My workouts mainly consist of weight training, with two cardio days a week. The result?
I ACTUALLY HAVE A BUTT!!!!
I would post a photo but that’s just rude.
Granted, I’ve always had a booty, but in a month’s time, it has lifted and firmed up in ways I didn’t think possible in such a short amount of time. If that weren’t enough, I’ve also really come to love having a different form of progress. When being fit goes beyond the scale, and into a measurable change in my own strength, I feel empowered instead of just thinner… That is priceless! I didn’t expect a booty out of this whole thing…I just wanted to be skinnier. The scale has only moved two pounds, but how can I argue with this booty thing?
At the beginning of this month, I sat in the airport, holding back tears while examining the state of my life at that point in time. I was disappointed as I saw my family change and experience amazing things, while I just wallowed in the fact that my life had disintegrated in a year. Last month I sat in the airport as a girl still crushed by her break up, still mourning the summer before, terrified of what the next year had to bring, and still grieving everything my life no longer was without my boy… I won’t go into full detail, but here is a little glimpse into why I was having said meltdown. I am a professional pity party thrower, and that is exactly what I did.
A month later, and the only thing I have learned was how much I have learned! It was when I found myself all alone that I realized I needed to learn to love and grow myself, by myself for my sake, and for the sake of those around me. This month, I have done just that. Being away from my family/friends, having no distractions, and being so single it’s crazy, I had time to really find out who I am, and as it turns out…I really like myself.
When I wrote “Are You A Psychotic Girlfriend?” it made me realize just how much I have grown and blossomed on my own. As a result of all this new found confidence and stability, I am a better daughter, partner, friend, and person. The relationships I have with those I love are currently the best they have ever been. It wasn’t until this month that I realized that I was impossible to love, because I thought I was unlovable, not because I actually sucked at life. I crippled my own self esteem, and made everyone that came into my life, fix it. So once I changed that, life got brighter, the birds sung louder, and I cant think of anything to say more clique than that, so you’re welcome.
I owe all of these changes to my beliefs, the change in my family life, maturity, and my independent need for constant change and growth. So to keep that change and growth going, I’m going to go ahead an outline my goals for the coming month. Because my ultimate goal here is to build the very best version of myself before leaving to study in the United Kingdom (well, England), so naturally all of my goals are centered around those two things.
In the next month, I will be getting all my school stuff squared away, finalizing the papers for my induction to the honors program, studying for the SIX exams I have to take in November, writing an amazing personal statement, spending as much time with my friends and family as possible, and maintaining all of the awesome things I have achieved the previous month (especially the booty building thing). All while enjoying my summer and new found lessons.
A huge thanks to all of you that have commented,subscribed, shared, and helped to make this blog more successful than I could have ever imagined in such a short time.
I’ve been throwing the words “upcoming adventures” into parts of my post, and I think it’s about time I go on a little bit about what I mean.
About a month ago, I began to realize that I have grown up and learned so much in a time I also consider to be on of the most painful I’ve ever experienced. After that realization, I spent quite awhile wondering what I was going to do with all my new found lessons. As it turns out, actually applying the lessons to my life was the best course of action. The biggest question became: How?
Long story short, I am in Idaho with one of my best friends who is on a similar mission, and the lesson applying has begun. During the day I work on health and fitness with the help of training and the Whole 30 (see details below), and by night I work on the more emotional side by working on my Power Sheets (also more detailed below) and writing anything and everything that comes to mind.
What is the Whole 30? If you ask me, it is a self induced torture that involves eating completely clean for thirty days NO CHEAT DAYS (or you have to start all over again) a.k.a. torture. But in reality, it’s a pretty hardcore sugar, legume, and dairy free month that I really think all people should do some variation of, at least once.
If you’re brave, and/or tired of being fat, sluggish, moody, and willing to give it a go, their site has everything you’ll need to get started, including LOADS of shopping list, recipes, and information about all things clean eating.
This is probably the most boring post I will ever make, buuuut I’m trying to lay some foundation here people, so bear with me.
Next on the agenda is the Power Sheets, a brilliant system, created by Lara Casey for the sole purpose of having a heart-to-heart with yourself and planning your future based on your own personal visions and learned lessons I couldn’t have discovered these power sheets at a better time. I’m only a few days in and I’m already impressed with the realizations it has brought me.
Last on this whole personal renovation, is exercise. That has no fancy published routine, instead I will leave that in the hands of my trainer, and she knows me well enough to switch that up every day. I will keep you all updated on my life. I promise the rest of this will be more interesting, I just wanted to give credit where credit was due for the awesome things I expect to happen this summer.
Now on a real note, before you start thinking I have supernatural self control:
This video perfectly explains my sentiments towards the key lime pie sitting in the fridge..You’re welcome.
I will now focus on being less of a bore for my next post. The foundation of what I’m doing, and the huge accountability factor of you all being able to see this was much needed, so thank you for slightly judging me. xx