Sun-Kissed Face and Wild Hair

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
Steve Maraboli

I usually hide behind the comforts of makeup, I know what to wear to accentuate what I like and hide what I don’t, and I usually go through desperate measures to tame my wild (and I mean WILD) curls; but not yesterday.

Yesterday, I felt really beautiful. I was wearing a bathing suit for part of the day and yoga clothes for the other, with my hair fresh out of the pool in all of its wildness, and nothing but a bit of sun-kissed color on my face.  It was all very simple and extremely low maintenance, and yet, it’s the prettiest I’ve felt in a while.

Realistically, I spend a lot of time dressed up, with make up on fleek (whatever that means), and everything from my hair to my shoes need to be perfect; but yesterday, I felt unapologetically myself, with no need to hide, and it’s been a while since I felt so beautiful.

Yesterday, I was carefree, happy, and completely unafraid of being exactly who I am. There is no better feeling in the world than believing I am enough, flaws and all, and feeling as if I am beautiful without “help.”

Why was it so freeing? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a beach bum disguised in a pencil skirt, and I should consider moving to an island somewhere…

Or maybe it’s time to realizing that hiding behind things that make me feel beautiful, actually do the opposite, and I should take it as a lesson to accept who I am and stop apologizing for what I’m not…

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life…and the word “fleek” xx 

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Mediocre is Just as Scary as Extraordinary


After my post yesterday, I realized that one of the reasons my “destiny” is often better than my plans, is because I very rarely give myself enough credit. Everything that is coming to me now was once a dream I discarded as unrealistic at some point in my life; the school, the guy, the place…all of it.

Columbia has been my dream since I was 13 years old, the guy has been my dream since I was 16 years old, and the place has been my dream since I was so young, I can’t even remember what age I was. Unfortunately, somewhere after my 17th birthday, I decided to settle for what I thought I deserved.

17 year old me had excuses for why I would never be good enough for my dreams.

“Columbia wouldn’t take a home-schooled kid, I am not the glistening picture of what an ivy league student looks like on paper, so I guess some local college will have to do. A guy like him doesn’t fall in love with a girl like me. I am a bit chubby, quite awkward, and far from the being equal to his modelesque appearance and dazzling life; I guess I’ll just settle for whoever will love me. I’ll never make it to New York or even London. I mean, how could I? Not smart enough to go to school there, not capable enough to get a job there, so I guess this little town is it.”

Over the last couple of days, I have began to realize that my compromises (the boy, the school, the place) have completely fallen apart.

He has moved on and found his equal, I am bored to tears with the ease of my current college situation, and I feel totally out of place here. As I look back at my blog and old journal entries, I realize that in the process of clinging to my compromises, I stumbled across my dreams, and I can honestly say it was all an accident. I achieved all of these things to prove to the boy, the school, and the place which I settled for, that I was good enough for them.

The life I settled for was easy. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted, and venturing outside of that is scary. However, my compromises were not all bad; I did fall in to what I thought was love, I did make some friends, I proved to myself that I am capable, and I did find some happiness. What I didn’t do was realize that even the things I settled for could go wrong, and settling isn’t actually safe or easy. Just because he and it weren’t everything I dreamed of, didn’t mean he and it would always be there and make me happy.

All of that to say, Columbia is staring me in the face, that man’s life is falling perfectly into mine, with no effort, and that place made me feel alive again, as I could taste the reality of calling it home. It is all becoming real so quickly; it’s a bit scary.

I have finally realized that mediocre is just as scary as extraordinary. I am better than I gave myself credit for and given the choice, I choose the wonderful accidents in my life over the compromises made thinking I didn’t deserve them.

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life… and all of it’s accidents xx 

Just Wait and You’ll Never Have to Wonder

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“Sometimes you have to just let life happen and keep your eye out for that one person that you just keep running into. Some of the most incredible relationships come from that one friend who turned into something more. When you find that one person, who through relationships, careers, and personal matters always find their way back to you; that one person who can always make you laugh… that’s when nothing else matters. You don’t have to ask if they’re in love with you, you don’t have to ask if they like you as a person, and you don’t have to wonder if you two are meant to be; because when you get to a certain place where it all lines up and the time is right… you just know. Why else would he be there? Just be patient,  I waited 50 years for it.

 -Anonymously one of the wisest women I know

Much Love,

Lucy Loves Life…and amazing advice xx  

Disassembling the Past

“As you learn who you are, you can better surround yourself with friends who make you a better person, and that sometimes only happens when you disassemble old relationships.”

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As I get older and really begin to examine who I am and what I want, I almost feel like I re-live my past too often. Though recently, I’ve realized that’s how I grow. I spent a lot of time (as you guys can attest to) disassembling my first relationship and trying to really boil down to the “why?” of it all.  I used to think that the disassembling was obsessing and just reopening old wounds; looking back I was terribly wrong, and so glad I “obsessed” until my heart was content.

I disassembled him, I disassembled myself, and somewhere in those couple of months, I found my answers, and myself. I didn’t open old wounds, on the contrary, I closed them and never looked back in the same heart-breaking way. When I do look back, I can admit to missing him, especially when I disassemble and remember the good times, but I also found the closure that he would never be right for me and that looking back wasn’t a sign of weakness. 

I truly learned what I want (and REALLY dont want) from my future relationships, I learned that he was the one “punching” (I’ll thank GZ for that revelation), and I learned to truly appreciate our time; because if nothing else, it contributed to the relationship I am growing now, and I couldn’t imagine life without it. 

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life…and GZ revelations xx

The Biggest Adventure and 95 Year Old Lucy Approves

So, I’ve done something bold…

I booked myself a weekend trip to New York. 204437_207397269292755_5280150_o

I have done loads of traveling, and even been to New York,  but this is the first time I have planned a trip, paid for it, and plan to execute said plans completely on my own. On top of that, I planned this trip to happen towards the end of the semester and in the middle of moving houses. Have I completely lost it? Yeah, probably…but I need this.

Remember that post where I was boo-hooing at the state of my stagnant, dull life and reminiscing on what used to be? Remember how I said I needed a solution? Well, this is it.

For the last year-ish, I have worried more about surviving than thriving. To an extent, I had to. I started college and with that comes loads of responsibility and the need to find security and well being. But somewhere in the last year-ish, I lost the balance. I let myself become so consumed with “what-if’s” and big girl dilemmas, that I let myself forget that I am 20 and will never be this carefree again. 

I have spent so long worrying about tuition, credit card bills, and how many material things I could buy, that I have forgotten what is most important; living my life and not letting it live me. 

So, this trip is slightly terrifying. It’s expensive, it’s totally new, and it’s right in the middle of all of my grown up responsibilities; but there is so much more to life than that. When I am on my death bed some day, I won’t look back and care that I never maxed out my credit card, I won’t remember that one assignment I didn’t have time for (don’t worry, there will be extra credit lol), and I won’t remember those random material things…

But I am pretty sure I will always remember the first time I threw myself in the middle of New York City by myself, for myself. I will remember the laughs shared with the few friends I have there, and the experience of navigating that big, beautiful city on my own.

So my credit card may get a little stretched, I may not leave my room perfectly unpacked, and I may very well have to do A LOT of extra-credit. Thats okay, because at the end of the day, 95 year old Lucy approves, and that’s all that matters.

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life…and Big Apple adventures xx  

Whole 30 and A Whole Chicken

Today is only day five, and I kind of promised that I would only update once a week, but today has been serious. I heard of the tales of the dreaded “Whole 30, day five,” and as I have had a pretty smooth ride so far, I wasn’t exactly worried.  Well, day 5 did bring a serious challenge and I am wondering if any of you deal/ have dealt with the same thing.

At around 10 this morning, I started to get a little hungry and immediately after realizing that, I was craving a rotisserie chicken. Seems simple enough, right? WRONG.

I live about an hour (45 minutes in good traffic) from the closest kosher market, so getting your hands on a fresh rotisserie chicken is no easy task…but I NEEDED it. When my significant other/delivery service told me how inconvenient it was, I had two options in my mind 1. starve or 2. cry everywhere. I chose the unmentioned third option, complain/beg for chicken.

I mean, how ridiculous is that? He was offering to bring me salmon with veggies, eggs with veggies, a burger, all kinds of delicious goodness; but I NEEEEEDED the chicken. 

So day five wasn’t hard because I was craving junk food, I actually still don’t miss any of it, not even when I am hungry… But day five flipped this switch that most people would baccarat me for; I am hungry, I have my mind set on what I want to eat, and if I cant have it, I literally rather starve…or cry until I’m not hungry anymore. Yes…seriously.

The struggle was real.
The struggle was real.

I am happy to report that my near tears plea worked and we drove 45 minutes to get my chicken. I happily devoured half of it with my bare hands, and with an enthusiasm that may have my coworkers concerned… #noregrets

I was Whole 30 compliant, full, and happy with life.

Has this ever happened to any of you fellow Whole 30-ers?

Much Love, 

Lucy Loves Life… and clearly, chicken xx

20 and I No Longer Have Patience

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“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me.

 I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism, and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me, and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided no to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty, and cheap praise.

I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities.

In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how yo give a compliment or word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me. And on top of everything, I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.”

– Meryl Streep

As I grow into my own person and realize both the blessing and responsibilities that come with your 20’s, I’ve come to live by these words. Everything I do matters now more than it ever has, including who I give my patience to. In a way, it has become the root of who I am.

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life, and Meryl Streep xx

No Choice But to Find Myself

I miss my life. I miss the life where I spent more time laughing than crying or stressing. I miss the life when beautiful people thought I was beautiful too. I miss waking up in different places. I miss feeling intimidated by someone. I miss getting all dressed up with somewhere to go. I miss being around people that excite and challenge me. I miss my extraordinary. I miss being impressive to people who impress me. I miss compliments that mean something. I miss waking up with a purpose; to thrive, not just survive.

By all accounts I am the best I can be, I am “successful” at everything I have taken on… but does any of that matter when I can’t remember the last time I was happy?

I am really unhappy and realizing that something needs to change, but I have no idea how to go back to the life I miss.

Maybe I’m not meant to go back. Maybe I need to use that desire for what I had to fuel my reason for waking up. Maybe the solution is to go, do, and see whatever it is that makes me happy.

Maybe this is the part of my life where I get so lost, I have no choice but to find myself. 

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life… and “maybe” xx 

Everything and Nothing

I am at the place where I feel like I know everything and nothing.

I have figured out my past relationship… Mistakes made, our personalities, many lessons of what I want and don’t want (but mainly don’t want), and it all makes sense now. In a way, I am at peace; yet I have found myself uneasy in a new relationship… I dont know what to expect. I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know which differences are good and which are bad, and I really have no idea what I am doing or what to expect.

No one mentioned the aftermath of healing from a heartbreak where you no longer act while comparing to the past relationship.

It’s literally as if I am entering my very first relationship, again.

 

Does this make sense? Or do I sound as confused as I actually am?

Much Love,

Lucy Loves Life…and sappy songs that make sense of life xx