For “Call Me Caitlyn” Critics  

  

It is actually kind of depressing to watch people fight to the Facebook death, over whether not Caitlyn Jenner is a hero or an abomination for deciding that womanhood makes her happier. As opinionated as I am on the matter, I’m not looking for public humiliation; therefore I’d like to focus on a few things to consider before you become one of the keyboard warriors I am avoiding: 

  1. Technically, everyone is uneducated.

One of the first things I’ve seen people resort to is calling the person they are arguing with “ignorant” or “uneducated.” The truth is, when it comes to gender identity confusion, everyone is ignorant.

It doesn’t matter if you are a psychiatrist, psychologist, or some sort of mental health expert; because even with their countless decades of research, not even they know exactly what causes a person to feel brutally uncomfortable with their gender.

With that in mind, let’s think twice before we go verbally attacking someone’s opinion as you both critique the way a person has chosen to live his or her life.

  1. You can’t prove that it will truly affect your individual life

People have either embraced or detested the idea that Caitlyn is the “new normal”, and both sides will argue for reasons I cannot understand. Even if she gave people the confidence to believe they are normal, this does not mean that there will be some sort of transgender epidemic.

I hate to pull out the “I’m a psych major” card, but let me just say that Caitlyn Jenner coming out as a woman is not going to make you, your kids, your teacher, your yoga instructor, your pastor, you cat, or your hamster a transgender individual. Science has proven time and time again that if you or someone in your surrounding “normal,” questions their gender, you can be assured it’s not Caitlyn’s magazine cover that caused their confusion. Psychological processes are not contagious. Fact.

The reality is, that if Caitlyn does deeply distort the quality of your life, in my non-professional opinion, you may need to seek some sort of help, as it can’t be “normal” for this to be your biggest life crisis.

  1. Transgender is legitimate, whether Caitlyn is or not

So let’s just say that Bruce, now Caitlyn Jenner, has gotten some rockin’ cheek implants and a crackin’ rack for the sake of publicity. Does that really change that this is a real issue for a lot of people, up to including Caitlyn? According to scientists and researchers alike, this whole transgender thing, isn’t typically a cry for attention; actually, mental health specialists have screenings to make sure that it’s not.

So on that note, whether you agree with Caitlyn’s decision or not, why don’t we all take a second to acknowledge that someone out there, that many people have deemed “worthy” of believing they are gender confused, is reading what you have to say. “A real transgender” (whatever that’s supposed to mean) is seeing both the praise and hatred, both generally uneducated, and building or destroying their self-esteem based on that petulant Facebook argument. Female, male, or both… they are human, they have feelings, so let’s act like it, yeah?

  1. Being transgender is not synonymous with mental illness

Being transgender does not make you (insert mental illness), and (insert mental illness) doesn’t make you transgender. However, there is also no proof that people are born with gender confusion. So taking it back to point 1, no one knows what causes it, but I can assure you it’s not the text box definition of a mental illness. 

Okay, now that we got that out of the way, can we all stop misusing mental illness, because it only diminishes the severity of a very real problem.  I will treat someone with severe depression because they feel they belong in a different gender and their family hates them for it, I will treat someone who deals with anxiety because one of their loved ones came out and they don’t know how to deal with it, and I will treat someone that is suicidal because they hate the gender that they are…

But you can bet your bottom, I will never treat someone with “transgender qualities,” because quite frankly, their biggest enemy is the mental demons they battle when processing the very hatred I am discouraging here.

  1. Bruce becoming Caitlyn should make women angry with society, not transgenders.

Oh. My. Days. Don’t even get me started on the ridiculous amount of sexism that has clouded the Internet since she came out!

Why didn’t Caitlyn Jenner become a “real” woman until she got breasts and a makeup artist? Bruce came out months ago, but as soon as he got breasts, he actually became a woman and now the media feels the need to put her in the same stereotypical box they’ve put the rest of us in. I think that’s the real problem.

Bruce Jenner, a legendary Olympic athlete, with a dazzling athletic and business career. Caitlyn Jenner? A pair of boobs, a new woman in Hollywood to critique from head to toe, and no more talks of a dazzling career. No, now she’s a woman on the exterior, so we accept body shaming, name-calling and boiling her down to some twisted sex object… and that’s the people who “support” her. BRILLIANT.

  1. Tolerance goes both ways

Though you may be getting a feel for where I stand on this issue, I would like to remind both parties of a little thing called tolerance. “A fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinion, beliefs, practices, or ethnicity, etc., differ from one’s own.”

Live and let live, and stop being so hateful when someone doesn’t agree with how you live. You think transgender is wrong? Awesome, but don’t get hateful when someone feels it is to be embraced. You think transgender should be accepted? Also awesome, but don’t get hateful when someone believes you are ruining society. Both are opinions, both should be respected.

  1. One man’s “filth” is another man’s hero

  

  
I see a lot of people outraged by the attention Caitlyn Jenner has gotten, and to an extent, I get it. However, bashing his bravery to compare it to an “American hero” is also crazy.

For nearly a decade people touted Lance Armstrong as the all American hero. A few years later, we all found out he was a conniving, drug addict, who took the moral low ground to all of his heroic conquest. A hero became filth in one Oprah Interview.

With that in mind, remember that what you may see as trash, may have given someone hope. No, she doesn’t have cancer, and no she wasn’t a veteran, and yes, those people can be seen as heroes; but maybe to the kid who is contemplating suicide because he can’t escape his gender confusion, she is a hero.

Maybe the first, semi-accepted sex change will give someone hope for life outside of that misery. No one is the perfect hero, so why bash someone who may be offering hope to those who struggle, as society tries to sort through something we know so little about?
There is never a reason to tear down another human being, not Caitlyn Jenner, and not the people that have an opinion. He became a she, and quite frankly, being hateful keyboard warriors is not going to change that. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but do yourself and everyone involved a huge favor; truly educate yourself and see the gray areas. 

Not only will this help you in the long run, it will also keep you from being caught up in a stream of hateful conversations that serve no benefit to you or your cause. 

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life… and those I disagree with xx 

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Almost is Never Enough

“If I would have known that you wanted me, the way I wanted you… Then maybe we wouldn’t be two worlds apart.”

I have to admit, I really hated Ariana Grande…

Then I heard this song.

When I am upset, I remind myself that I have some talent, and I sing. This song has been the perfect outlet for me the last couple of days. As I deal with the stuff in my last post and prepare to make such a bittersweet decision, it helps to be reminded that almost is never enough. I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I have.

Okay…now I am done being emotional. Tomorrow, I’ll update you on the things I am actually really happy about. 🙂

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life…and now, Ariana Grande too xx 

20 and I No Longer Have Patience

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“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me.

 I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism, and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me, and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided no to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty, and cheap praise.

I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities.

In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how yo give a compliment or word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me. And on top of everything, I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.”

– Meryl Streep

As I grow into my own person and realize both the blessing and responsibilities that come with your 20’s, I’ve come to live by these words. Everything I do matters now more than it ever has, including who I give my patience to. In a way, it has become the root of who I am.

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life, and Meryl Streep xx

Wake Me Up

Anyone else album stalk Ed Sheeran and slightly fall in love with him? I definitely did…

I think I’m in love with how in love he is with the girl he wrote this for. It’s profound, yet silly and personal to only her; does it get any better than that? He was so in love with the little things, like her eyelash on his cheek, and the way she flicks her hair off her shoulder, he makes it easy to remember feeling that way for somebody. They laughed, they were ridiculous together, and yet, their love was deep.

I think it’s amazing how he portrays all of that in such a simple, carefree song. My hopeless romantic self can’t stop listening to it because it’s given me something to look forward to. This song pulls up some intense memories, but so easily makes me see beyond the fear of happily-never-afters.I look forward to being the girl he wrote this song for who can say she hopes for fairy tales again.

I’ll give you guys a break from my mushy self, it’s pretty awkward, no?

Anyway, go get obsessed with Ed Sheeran. Let me know if you love this song as much as I do, or if I’m just insane for feeling all warm and gushy on the inside.

Much love,

Lucy Loves Life… and heart pendants xx

 

The Pretty Girl Stereotypes (BUSTED!)

drafthouse.com
drafthouse.com

We have all seen the movies with the pretty girl that has it all. She is beautiful, sexy, well dressed, popular, in a relationship with some hunky dude, she pays people to do her dirty work (homework, test, job assignments, etc) because she is too stupid to do it, she always gets her way, and she never eats. If I had to name a movie off the top of my head, I would say Mean Girls is a pretty appropriate example of what I mean when I described the stereotypical pretty girl.

I am extremely over the misconceptions made about the “pretty girls.” I am guilty of assuming these things when I see girl I consider to be “too pretty,” but one day I woke up and realized I was that pretty girl. Before you carry on reading this thinking that I am full of myself…hear me out…

As a young girl, preteen/young teenager age, I didn’t have a whole lot going for me. I was always just a little bit too fat, my teeth were crazy, I had no idea what I was doing with my makeup, my sense of fashion was a train wreck, I wasn’t doing all that well in school, boys bullied me relentlessly (middle school jerktards), and my overall self confidence was garbage.

I used to watch the naturally skinny girls with clear skinned smiles who had the boys drooling over them as if they were the lepers. Immediately I attached the stereotypical, Mean Girls, pretty girl label on them, because it almost made me feel better to have a reason to hate myself, and them. I envied them, I wanted nothing more than to be the pretty girl, and then one day….

I lost loads of weight, got my braces off, watched endless makeup tutorials until I got it all right, learned to dress my figure, earned my perfect GPA, shut all those boys up, and learned to love myself. Oh. M. Gee. I became the pretty girl. I became the girl everyone loves to hate…and you know what…it sucks! It sucks, SO hard!

Why? Well, let’s examine the pretty girl stereotypes and destroy each one to fully discover why it is that I wish I had braces again….

1. Pretty girls get all the attractive guys.

WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. I remember feeling a bit irritated by an innocent comment made by one of the few pre-teens I have as a Facebook friend.

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I posted this photo and she commented with “You’re so pretty Lucy. Tons of guys are probably head over heels for you!” I laughed…and then got angry as more and more people began to like her comment.

Why? Because part of me thought she should be right. Part of me thought “I look freakin’ hot today, and everybody who has ever seen Mean Girls knows I should be adored by every male that lays his eyes on me?!” But there I was, and the other part of me was thinking, adore me? Dude, I’ll take like me, or even speak to me.

My break up with Simon was fresh, and her comment poured salt in the massive wound that was my heart, because regardless of how pretty she thought I was, it wasn’t enough to make him love me. I felt pretty, and beautifully empty. My beauty didn’t buy me love, it really didn’t even buy me happiness. I busted the myth that pretty girls always get the guy, because in reality, at the height of my attractiveness, I was more alone than chubby/ugly/frumpy Lucy ever was.

I’ll go a step further and say that Simon fell in love with chubby/ugly/frumpy Lucy, and broke up with the pretty girl version.

2. Pretty girls have loads of friends

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They say that every group of friends needs the ugly girl to make them all look better…well, I was the ugly friend. I was the ugly duckling in a pond full of swans. I thought I had loads of friends because I have a cool personality, but as I became the pretty girl, I realized that was not the case. I stopped being their charity case, and became the girl their boyfriends wanted to hang out with. My friends turned into “haters,” and I wasn’t quite sure what I had done.

Years later I realized that it had nothing to do with me. My personality didn’t change… I was still the overly weird girl, who wasn’t afraid to release my man laugh if the joke was good enough.  I just became a threat, and they began to tear me down and make me feel as if I was the problem.It was then I realized that I needed friends that were secure in themselves. I needed friends that would encourage me to blossom and reach my full potential.

I needed friends that would compliment my outfit, tell me I looked pretty, and be genuinely happy for me instead of spitting it through gritted teeth. It was and still is very hard for me to ever think anyone could be jealous of me (because I am still half Oompa Loompa in my mind) but after a few major hits to my self esteem, I began to realize that being pretty does not win you friendship, it brings jealously from most, and genuinely wonderful friendships from the rest.

As the pretty girl, I have less friends than I ever have, and I am happy with that. The friends I have now want to see me succeed,they want to see me happy, they build me up, and one by one, I add another genuinely wonderful and loving friend to my group, cautiously.

3. Pretty girls are stupid.

Same outfit, different day
Same outfit, different day

A few weeks ago, I met with the honors program coordinator at my college. I was bubbling with excitement, as I waited for my meeting with her to finalize my induction into the honor society. I dressed in my usual Lucy fashion (I tend to err on the slightly overdressed but professional side of things), did my hair in a pretty, but modest style, and kept my make up as subdued as possible. I walked into her office, handed her my transcripts and my portfolio, and shook on the inside as she reviewed all of my information.

“You’re too pretty to be in this honors program,” she said in a joking manner with a slight chuckle under her breath. At first I smiled with her as I took it to be a compliment, but a few hours later, it actually really insulted me.  I was really hoping she would’ve commented on something important, like, ooooh my GPA, the exam results I stayed up until three in the morning studying for, or even my community service with domestic violence victims. But instead she felt the need to tell me I was too pretty to have the sort of accomplishments that I had.

I would love to say that it is just her, but to be honest, there is something about a woman that knows how to apply a bit of make up, pop on a pair of spanks and hold an intelligent conversation that really freaks people out. I am very ambitious, I have very well formed opinions, and there are very few things in this world that make me happier (or more heated) than a conversation with a person who challenges those opinions and forces me to think. So for her to just whittle me down to pretty face and assume that I couldn’t possibly be as smart as the transcripts in front of her described, was infuriating, insulting, and above the rest, disappointing.

4. Pretty girls have the perfect life. 

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No. No. No. There are some days I wish I could just be the version of myself I was too busy hating. Sometimes I wish I could go back and enjoy that time in my life. I wish I could go back and tell fourteen/fifteen year old Lucy that her idea of perfection wasn’t going to win her the handsome boyfriend, a million friends, and loads of respect. I wish I could tell her that there is more to life than that. I wish I could tell her that sometimes being the pretty girl makes life harder than it needs to be. I wish she knew that the clear skinned girls she hated in high school were not nearly as fortunate as she gave them credit for. Most importantly, I wish she knew that happiness, true love, genuine friendship, and respect, are more important than straight teeth, clear skin, and a number on the scale.

Solution:

You will always find that girl who seems to have the perfect life, but as I’ve just told you, things are not always as they seem. Being the pretty girl doesn’t make life better, as a matter of fact, sometimes it gets worse. Be encouraged that you are worth more than what you look like, because pretty girls have awful days, sometimes awful lives, and no amount of physical beauty can fix that. By the same token, there are pretty girls that really do have it all going for them, but just in case you haven’t picked up on this yet, it wasn’t their face that brought them that life.

Work on yourself, so that when you finally achieve your perfect life, you will be beautiful from the inside, out, instead of just on the outside like a Mean Girls character. Work on yourself, become who you want to become, and I guarantee that the right guy, the right friends, and that picture perfect life you dream about, will find it’s way to you, sans burn book.

P.S. #5 Pretty Girls Don’t Eat

I love ice cream, and burgers make me giddier than a school girl.

If you feel the need to live on a diet, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems, but being hungry ain’t one.

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Lettuce wrapped burger, because bread is one of the 99 problems I have

That is all.

Is Hollywood Ruining Women?

Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian, and even Beyonce  have done women a terrible disservice. As much as I love them all, they have taken self respect and self worth away from women for the sake of money, fame, etc… They have made it acceptable if not desirable to act like a worthless, sex symbol, incapable of reaching success with their clothes on. *I am being a bit harsh, but stay with me.* How have they done this? Well, first let’s define what having self-respect is, then we can begin to touch on just how badly these three ladies, society, and other Hollywood celebs have butchered the “perfect” modern woman.

The way you speak: Does your mouth represent who you really are?

“I haven’t really seen one bad comment about my twerk video. This is the first thing! All right, I can’t sing, I can’t act, I’m dumb, I’m a hillbilly, but I can twerk, so whatever!”

Part 1: Publicly

I’m sure we can all guess who said that… which is exactly my point. Although I’m sure she meant it as a joke… Her parents, her siblings, her future spouse, and even her future children, will know she said that about herself.  Miley was and still is an icon for young girls that are just now learning what is right and wrong to say… having a population of girls thinking that it is okay to act like a mindless “hillbilly” that isn’t capable of much outside of twerking, is dangerous, and terribly sad.

Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments where I lack grace and act a bit ridiculous, everyone does. However, what you say and how you say it reflects who you are and how much you really respect yourself.

Part 2: Privately 

Along with the things you say publicly, the way you you speak to yourself also shows a great deal of self-respect or lack thereof. The sad part is, what Miley said about herself in public, a lot of girls say about themselves, to themselves. Speaking from experience, I would never tell a friend she was fat, ugly, talentless, stupid, undesirable, unmotivated, etc… but I never stopped to think about how often I would tell myself those things on a daily basis with not an ounce of mercy.

Being your worst enemy is a huge hit to your self esteem, which in turn affects your self-respect (they are very different).

Solution: Listen to what you say

Before you speak, know who your audience is, know that what you say holds meaning whether you want it to or not, and eventually your words will catch up with you. People will reflect what you think and say about yourself, make sure it is worth seeing.

 

The way you carry yourself: What do people think when they see you?

In this day an age, what you do has the potential to follow you for much longer than one drunken party, one moment of weakness, or in this case, one performance at the VMAs. As a society we have learned that making a sex tape can make you famous, twerking on a MARRIED man will make your music skyrocket, and grinding on your husband at the Grammys will make you the talk of the decade.

There is no class, no boundaries, no morals, no nothing really… A woman’s body, her actions, her sexuality, and even the relationship between her and her spouse hold very little meaning anymore. People may disagree with me on this, but I feel that once you put it all out there, you have lost of piece of yourself you can never get back. You just gave intimate parts of yourself (or your relationship) to some bozo that can afford access to the internet.

Solution: Protect who you are and who you want to be. With the touch of a finger, anything you do has the potential to follow you for years. Keep that in mind. Be the person you want people to see right now, and the person you’d want your children/parents/religious leader to stumble upon, because chances are…They will.

The way you dress

*Now, before I continue, let’s just clear up that I am NOT talking about sexual harassment, abuse, or rape… this strictly concerns modesty and self-image. It is NEVER okay to demean a woman or take advantage of her regardless of how she is dressed.*

However, that does not change that our society has set standards for what a respectable person should wear/do/say/etc… and if you mindfully breach them, you’re argument for said respect is pretty much over. My biggest pet peeve is a woman that dresses like a “skank” (aka against societies ideals for a respectable woman) and flips out when men stare at her or give her the attention her appearance calls for. I think the female body is incredible. It is curvaceous, strong, delicate, and so able (Two words: Child birth). It is meant to be treated like the precious thing that it is, not a slab of beef meant for the common Joe to have access to. Go ahead and tell me what an awful woman I am for not being “liberated” enough to embrace my body.

While you do that, I will cover my body up, and not because I am ashamed of it. On the contrary, I love my body so much that I think it deserves the right to be sacred. No man or woman should have free access to see parts of me, because I want the attention that comes with being a sex symbol/”expressing my sexuality.” I want my body to be a symbol of beauty and elegance, not an easy lay. Do I think that it is totally right for people to label a woman based on how she is dressed? Not completely. But you know what? I know society’s boundaries for classy, I know its boundaries for an easy lay/good time/ other highly sexist comment, and I play well within the boundaries of classy, educated, and respectable.

How to you play within the boundaries of easy, sleazy, or “skanky”? There are so many ways I see this happening….

Part 1: In public

I have seen shorts that look like underwear, cleavage that looks like two bald children fighting in someone’s shirt, and a few weeks ago, Rhianna just straight up showed us everything but her lady bit. There is literally nothing left to the imagination. It is a terrible image. Do you look at Miley Cyrus and think, ‘wow, she must have done so well in school?’ Have you ever looked at Kim Kardashian and thought ‘I’d love to get her opinion on current events?’ No? Didn’t think so.

Part 2: Online

It pains me to see girls posing online with their bodies exposed.

My favourite is when I see a picture with a beautiful woman, posing like a porn star, with a quote from The Notebook as a caption (don’t lie, we all have that friend). Because when I see your breast pushed up to your chin and your butt cheeks holding on to your shorts for dear life, I definitely think about falling in love with you, stealing you away from some rich guy, building you a house, marrying you, and dancing with you when we are old. JK, I was just looking at your boobs, like the person who might have offered you a real love probably was, key word: was.

Is that necessarily the best way for people to go about it? No, probably not. But if you want someone to get to know you, and love who you are, instead of what you look like…put.it.away.

Trust me, I have pictures that make my butt look like it was sculpted by the gods, but I choose to keep that under wraps until a deserving man comes along and falls in love with my mind, before I give him the opportunity to fall in love with my killer back side.  I’m not saying you have to be that extreme, but PLEASE make people work a bit harder than an Instagram follow to see your intimate bits. Make them want more than just your body.

Shorts do not make you skanky, a little skin doesn’t make you a terrible person..but there are boundaries put in by society (whether we like it or not) and if you push those boundaries too hard (i.e. Rhianna’s naked dress) you cannot lose your mind when society reacts harshly.

Solution:

You want friends? You want someone to love you and think you’re beautiful?

Put it away, and let the person that does fall in love with WHO you are on the inside, reap the benefits of what you are on the outside. If you don’t respect your body, who will? This all goes back to what people see when they look at you. As a society we have an idea of what respectable people should look like. Right or wrong, we do. You can express yourself however you choose to, but please understand what you are getting yourself in to. Dress accordingly, dress in a way that inspires people to get to know you instead of just looking at you, and PLEASE don’t judge or make the more modest girls feel inadequate for not following suit.

Moral of the story:

I decided to write this after I personally lost respect for Beyonce. She was my role model, and the thing I loved most about her was the fact that she was THE Queen B. Her powerful personality and class made her sexy.

That was until she released those fourteen soft-core movies, otherwise known as music videos. She became just another object all of my male friends were drooling over. She degraded herself and some how put all of her power right back into the hands of men. Her raunchy lyrics, her undignified behavior (those insane dance moves), and the total disrespect to her body, just stunned me. Where is the girl power? What respect does that command? You just handed men the power you just worked so hard to gain.

“Who run the world?” Not you Beyoncé, and at this rate, you never will.

So I’m sorry if I came off like a bit of a judgmental douche bag. I am just sick and tired of seeing woman (especially in Hollywood) undo everything that strong, dignified women, are working so hard to create for us, by making it trendy to be a mindless, piece of meat, not good for much more than “grinding on that wood” like a “surfboard.”

I would like to see my generation of women be stronger and more respectful of themselves than what has been touted as acceptable. I, like other women,  have a mind, an opinion, talents, and a wonderful personality…and that is what I want people to see. Not my heinous acts at a party, not how awesome my butt looks in a bathing suit, but my heart and my mind.  The image that women in Hollywood give off as “successful” and “desirable” makes it difficult for woman like me who chose to cover up and be seen for my inner beauty before revealing my outer beauty.

I will be writing a post about the flip side of this, because men are not blameless…but for now, I hope you enjoyed this, and I hope I didn’t step on too many toes. I wrote this as a girl that sometimes feels insecure about my desire to cover up and behave in a modest fashion. I sometimes feel alone in my efforts to keep my self respect. I don’t mean this as hate, I’m not saying that our boundaries and/or stereotypes are completely okay, I am simply asking women (especially like me) to exam their behavior/fashion and make sure it represents who they want to be, not who Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, or Miley Cyrus tells them is desirable.