I am learning the ropes all over again, I am learning to trust someone, and I am learning what it means to love, after I swore I never would again. I have stopped living my life as if he is watching. It may have been abandoned, but it is still my life, my heart, and my happiness, regardless of what anyone else has to say of it. I am exploring something new, and sometimes, that scares the shit out of me.
I am taking someone that I held at arm’s length, and letting them see me, all of me, in a way I never thought I’d be able to again. I am learning to trust, because I can’t cling to security at the cost of love. I am learning to believe “I love you,” truly and deeply. I am letting my guard down, and giving someone the power to hurt me, to leave me, and maybe even break me in a way that will take another year to recover from. I can’t be isolated in the fear of pain, it’s too lonely.
This may not last, this may actually hurt quite badly, and I don’t doubt that at some point, tough decisions are going to be made; but I have to live. I have to risk my security and comfort, because I was made to feel and love wholeheartedly.
Lucy Loves Life….and “someone” xx
Have you ever gone through a period in your life where nothing is as it “should” be, yet you feel perfectly at peace? Yeah, I’m there.
Everything is confused and perfectly in place at the same time. My ideas of love, family, my future, my health, and even my religious views are changing (BIG aspects of my life dude), and normally in times of change, I lose my freakin’ skittles. I really love constants and routine, but right now, I am at peace with not knowing where my life will be a year from now. I am okay with the idea of “failing,” or possibly falling short of my best option. I am not afraid of regret, and that is a phenomenon I have never experienced.
I spent nearly three years of my life planning; doing what was “right,” stressing out when I was “wrong,” and trying desperately to always be pulled together. I’m not sure if it’s the yoga or my careless 20’s speaking, but ain’t nobody got time for that. Life is too short to stifle myself out of fear that I could be wrong.
Yes, everything is a hot mess, and I could come to regret so many things; but I am happy, and that’s really all that matters…right?
Lucy Loves Life… and quotations marks around words that have too many meanings xx
Just letting you all know how grateful I am for your support! I’ve only been at this blog thing for three weeks and it has been 1000x more successful than I could have ever expected so early on.
I have loads for new post that I can’t wait for you guys to read, but instead of posting at random, there is going to be a little schedule.
Monday and Thursday will be blog days!!!
I appreciate your patience as I pull my life together and structure this blog. If you have any ideas or anything you would like me to write about, please do not hesitate to leave me a comment, tweet, or email. I love hearing from you guys!
Lots of love,