Failure, one of my biggest fears. The fear that has been getting the best of me. One pretty insane down side to having such huge dreams, is the occasional thought that there is SO much room for failure. This whole growing up thing is new to me, and I, like many ‘kids’ my age, am just now learning how to cope with all the pressure (mostly self induced) that comes with growing up and and realizing that all those dreams I’ve had are now becoming goals and realities.
As I learn to cope and maybe even thrive, I find it useful to keep everything in perspective. I do so by asking myself a few crucial questions that I will be sharing with you all today with the hope that it may help silence your panicked brain too.
The most crucial question I ask myself is, what would I want to do with my life if failure wasn’t a factor?
In the next five years, I want to go to school in the UK, I want to have a successful blog, I want my fairytale to end happily ever after, and I want to finally find my happy place with health and fitness. The possibility for failure is insane, and acknowledging that can overwhelm/scare the crap out of me.
Some days that fear gets the best of me, and sometimes it fuels me to work harder and be even better. Either way, I’m not giving up. I choose to see that failure is not an option unless I allow it to be. Without that burden, I can see clearly just how amazing it would be, if and when I accomplish those things.
So what makes you tick? What would you do if failure didn’t exist? Would you leave the country? Would you apply to Harvard? Would you start a new diet/exercise regime? Would you work towards that job promotion? What crazy, over the top, dream would you turn into a goal?
Another important question is, why do you want your dreams to become reality?
I want to go to school overseas because I want the challenge, to be on my own, to find out who I really am, and to gain the experience of studying in one of the biggest cultural hubs in the world. I’ll only be young, single, and free for a relatively small amount of time, so I might as well do it right!
I want a successful blog because it will allow me to form a little online community, use my passion for writing to express myself, and even give me a source of income without working a 9 to 5 or hassling with an international work visa. How awesome would it be to work from home, in between classes, and make enough money to independently fund my little European adventures? Uhh, you’re welcome mom and dad.
I want to fall in love and live happily ever after (preferably with someone that’s okay with the fact that I’m a wanderlust) because who doesn’t? I’ve already got someone in mind, but that is one of the few things I’ll leave to fate/destiny/ all that other crap love makes you believe in. Last but not least, I do want to get to the point where I can stop wrestling with my body. I want to finally strike the perfect balance when it comes to my health and fitness that will truly me allow me to have a lifestyle instead of a chore.
When I put into perspective why it is that I have such huge, failure prone dreams…they become less scary and more awesome which makes them all goals worth working towards.
Another thing to ask yourself, but NOT to dwell on: What’s the worse thing that can happen if I fail?
One of the hardest things to keep in mind is that I may fail. In fact, I probably will somewhere along the line. But does that mean I’m just a failure and I should give up? If I had to take a guess, I’d say no.
So what if I do miss a step in the UK university process, or my blog doesn’t take off as well as I want it to, or something really does go terribly wrong? What is the worst case scenario? Will I be miserable? Will the world end? Will I suck at life forever? Will I be 42 years old, naked, in a bean bag chair, eating Cheetos? Chances are, the answer is also, no.
Keeping in mind that failing doesn’t actually make me a failure puts SO much in perspective. I have loads to gain from trying and only succeeding in half of my ventures and so much to lose from just giving up now. I have nothing to fear, because even the worst case scenario is still pretty good, so why not risk it and shoot for the best case scenario?
Last but not least, what is my overall goal for life?
My biggest fear is getting to the end of my life and feeling regret for the things I didn’t do, and the people I didn’t love enough. I don’t want to sit in a hospital bed (or wherever I am when I go) and think about how much I wanted to travel Europe but I never did because I was scared, or how much I loved my first love but I gave up on my ‘once in a lifetime’ because sometimes it hurt to love him. I want to live life to the fullest because I only have one. My overall goal is to do everything I love, and to find my happiness with the ones I love.
At the end of the day, I want to be a wife, a mother, and a lover of the life I have created/been given. If I can do that, there is no failure or regret, only happiness, and that’s all I could ever ask for.