Frappuccino Therapy

I have a million drafts full of thoughtful things to write about…but lately, I dont have the time or energy to write about anything that takes anymore focus than I already have to give this semester. Turns out, being a science major, working on two honors projects, and being in charge of a community outreach is not a game.

I felt really defeated last week, and even today. I feel like work closed in on me, and this week I get to dig myself out of it. I am thankful for my successes and all things considered I am doing really well, but that comes at a price, and it’s usually a $5 frappuccino.

Some day soon I’ll write something of substance, but for now, I am going to pretend I’m listening in art while actually working on an annotated bibliography.

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life…and the idea of exploding and gaining 50 pounds in medical school xx 

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The Greatest Time of Year

There’s nothing like the end of the summer to remind me that in a week I am officially a

  • Student
  • Friend
  • Partner
  • Vice President of Scholarship
  • Aspiring candiate for Regional Vice President
  • Ivy League Applicant
  • If-all-goes-well Columbia transfer
  • Aspiring model
  • Dedicated Paleo-er, and worker-outer (because, refer to the previous bullet point)
  • Employee
  • Slightly insane individual

That all sounds way more exciting and impressive than it actually is (or feels), but it still scares me. It doesn’t really make sense because I am many of those things now; but there is something about the beginning of the school year that reminds me of the potential to fail. It seems the harder I work, the more I have to work hard, and Monday is going to take me to the next level, as my responsibilities and goals are  bigger than they’ve ever been (totally natural, still scary).

The days are passing, and I can’t decide if I am terrified or excited…

But for now, my excitement is larger than the feeling that I am about to sh*t myself…so I think we’re good.

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life… and mini freakouts xx

The Biggest Adventure and 95 Year Old Lucy Approves

So, I’ve done something bold…

I booked myself a weekend trip to New York. 204437_207397269292755_5280150_o

I have done loads of traveling, and even been to New York,  but this is the first time I have planned a trip, paid for it, and plan to execute said plans completely on my own. On top of that, I planned this trip to happen towards the end of the semester and in the middle of moving houses. Have I completely lost it? Yeah, probably…but I need this.

Remember that post where I was boo-hooing at the state of my stagnant, dull life and reminiscing on what used to be? Remember how I said I needed a solution? Well, this is it.

For the last year-ish, I have worried more about surviving than thriving. To an extent, I had to. I started college and with that comes loads of responsibility and the need to find security and well being. But somewhere in the last year-ish, I lost the balance. I let myself become so consumed with “what-if’s” and big girl dilemmas, that I let myself forget that I am 20 and will never be this carefree again. 

I have spent so long worrying about tuition, credit card bills, and how many material things I could buy, that I have forgotten what is most important; living my life and not letting it live me. 

So, this trip is slightly terrifying. It’s expensive, it’s totally new, and it’s right in the middle of all of my grown up responsibilities; but there is so much more to life than that. When I am on my death bed some day, I won’t look back and care that I never maxed out my credit card, I won’t remember that one assignment I didn’t have time for (don’t worry, there will be extra credit lol), and I won’t remember those random material things…

But I am pretty sure I will always remember the first time I threw myself in the middle of New York City by myself, for myself. I will remember the laughs shared with the few friends I have there, and the experience of navigating that big, beautiful city on my own.

So my credit card may get a little stretched, I may not leave my room perfectly unpacked, and I may very well have to do A LOT of extra-credit. Thats okay, because at the end of the day, 95 year old Lucy approves, and that’s all that matters.

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life…and Big Apple adventures xx  

Just Happy

I had a pretty bad habit of only talking about my feelings when I’m upset, or hurt…but I think now is the time to change that. As you can see by the title, life is good right now, and because I write about the good in my journal, I’ll share that too.

Just Happy 11/18/2014

It has been an incredible weekend/early week…busy, but incredible. I feel complete, happy. I feel like life is exactly where it is meant to be right now.

School is going incredibly well. I am wrapping up the last project for my honors program, and I’ve already began making plans for next semester. I’ll be running for president of the honors society, leading a few of our charity events, and taking over a few group projects in order to make my resume as shiny as possible.

My honors coordinator has been handing me opportunities she thinks I have the potential to succeed in and I couldn’t be more grateful. She’s so confident in me, and I think it may be contagious. From being kind of dumb on paper to Ivy League? I. Can. Do. This.

My room is finally decorated the way I want it (thanks mom), my job is really great  (thanks dad), and I have wonderful friends (the kind that volunteer to leave a party early so that she can attend/host my birthday shin-dig, thanks friend).

I went on a lovely date with the one who was always there. An incredible night that ended with an incredible present. The actual gift was beautiful, but what made it so special was the attention and care it took to know that it was the perfect gift. He listens to what I say, he takes it to heart, and he tries (and succeeds) to make me happy in the cute, little ways that every girl wants.

I’m not even sure if life really got better, or if the world is just a brighter place after letting go of my little piece of misery…I don’t know, but I’m content with not knowing, because I am happy. Just, happy. Life really is exactly the way I dreamed it would be (at this point in my life).

I feel very blessed…B’H.

Much love,

Lucy Loves Life, for real this time xx

Failure in Perspective

 

Failure, one of my biggest fears. The fear that has been getting the best of me. One pretty insane down side to having such huge dreams, is the occasional thought that there is SO much room for failure. This whole growing up thing is new to me, and I, like many ‘kids’ my age, am just now learning how to cope with all the pressure (mostly self induced) that comes with growing up and and realizing that all those dreams I’ve had are now becoming goals and realities.

As I learn to cope and maybe even thrive, I find it useful to keep everything in perspective. I do so by asking myself a few crucial questions that I will be sharing with you all today with the hope that it may help silence your panicked brain too.

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The most crucial question I ask myself is, what would I want to do with my life if failure wasn’t a factor?

In the next five years, I want to go to school in the UK, I want to have a successful blog, I want my fairytale to end happily ever after, and I want to finally find my happy place with health and fitness. The possibility for failure is insane, and acknowledging that can overwhelm/scare the crap out of me.

Some days that fear gets the best of me, and sometimes it fuels me to work harder and be even better. Either way, I’m not giving up. I choose to see that failure is not an option unless I allow it to be. Without that burden, I can see clearly just how amazing it would be, if and when I accomplish those things.

So what makes you tick? What would you do if failure didn’t exist? Would you leave the country?  Would you apply to Harvard? Would you start a new diet/exercise regime? Would you work towards that job promotion? What crazy, over the top, dream would you turn into a goal?

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Another important question is, why do you want your dreams to become reality?

I want to go to school overseas because I want the challenge,  to be on my own, to find out who I really am, and to gain the experience of studying in one of the biggest cultural hubs in the world. I’ll only be young, single, and free for a relatively small amount of time, so I might as well do it right!

I want a successful blog because it will allow me to form a little online community, use my passion for writing to express myself, and even give me a source of income without working a 9 to 5 or hassling with an international work visa. How awesome would it be to work from home, in between classes, and make enough money to independently fund my little European adventures? Uhh, you’re welcome mom and dad.

I want to fall in love and live happily ever after (preferably with someone that’s okay with the fact that I’m a wanderlust) because who doesn’t? I’ve already got someone in mind, but that is one of the few things I’ll leave to fate/destiny/ all that other crap love makes you believe in. Last but not least, I do want to get to the point where I can stop wrestling with my body. I want to finally strike the perfect balance when it comes to my health and fitness that will truly me allow me to have a lifestyle instead of a chore.

When I put into perspective why it is that I have such huge, failure prone dreams…they become less scary and more awesome which makes them all goals worth working towards.

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Another thing to ask yourself, but NOT to dwell on: What’s the worse thing that can happen if I fail?

One of the hardest things to keep in mind is that I may fail. In fact, I probably will somewhere along the line. But does that mean I’m just a failure and I should give up? If I had to take a guess, I’d say no.

So what if I do miss a step in the UK university process, or my blog doesn’t take off as well as I want it to, or something really does go terribly wrong? What is the worst case scenario? Will I be miserable? Will the world end? Will I suck at life forever? Will I be 42 years old, naked, in a bean bag chair, eating Cheetos? Chances are, the answer is also, no.

Keeping in mind that failing doesn’t actually make me a failure puts SO much in perspective. I have loads to gain from trying and only succeeding in half of my ventures and so much to lose from just giving up now. I have nothing to fear, because even the worst case scenario is still pretty good, so why not risk it and shoot for the best case scenario?

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Last but not least, what is my overall goal for life?

My biggest fear is getting to the end of my life and feeling regret for the things I didn’t do, and the people I didn’t love enough. I don’t want to sit in a hospital bed (or wherever I am when I go) and think about how much I wanted to travel Europe but I never did because I was scared, or how much I loved my first love but I gave up on my ‘once in a lifetime’ because sometimes it hurt to love him. I want to live life to the fullest because I only have one. My overall goal is to do everything I love, and to find my happiness with the ones I love.

At the end of the day, I want to be a wife, a mother, and a lover of the life I have created/been given. If I can do that, there is no failure or regret, only happiness, and that’s all I could ever ask for.