Healthy and Skinny Are Not Synonymous

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A few months ago, I decided to stop fighting my body. As a woman that is 5’10”, a size 12/14, with a large body composition (yes, I really am big boned, seriously, buying bracelets requires elastic), I was very insecure with my size in many respects, and for years I could hear the guy I had a crush on in 8th grade asking me if I was a man. When you think of femininity and grace, most people wouldn’t think of a super tall chick with curves for weeks and a big (not necessarily fat) body. I really didn’t feel sexy, I honestly just felt like Khloe Kardashian in her chubby days; towering over everyone and struggling to be the “hot sister.”

Naturally, my first resort to sort out this problem was trying to get skinny. I totally cleaned up my diet an eliminated all added sugar, wheat, gluten, dairy, soy, and legumes. I bumped up my workout schedule, and guess what? Nothing happened. Well, nothing weight related. I did lose a few pounds, my skin cleared up, my mind was sharper, and I really did feel amazing, but that scale didn’t budge more than seven pounds, regardless of what I ate, for nearly six months. So then I began the fight with not only eating extremely clean, but also calorie counting. I guess this is a good time to tell you I was on the verge of a Britney Spears circa 2007 style meltdown all the time. I cut my calories from about 1500-1800 calories to about 1200 calories, and every week that I stepped on the scale or measured myself to find out nothing had changed, my family knew to hide the umbrellas in preparation.

I really did fight with my body for a long time, and then one day it hit me.

I am perfectly healthy. I eat better than I ever have, I exercise, and I keep my mind sharp and active…so what the hell is there to freak out about? A number? Someone to tell me I look like a woman?  I am running optimally, and this is what my body looks like. Even on a liquid diet, the smallest I’ll ever be is a size 8, maybe 10, tough shit. I could either embrace that or continue to lose my fight against how I am built.

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The decision to embrace my body changed my life. I decided to take my height, my curves, and all of my bigger than life-ness, and put it to work. As it turns out, there are people out there willing to pay me a lot of money for the things I spent nearly a year fighting. Case in point, I have wanted to model for years, but I always held off  until I was just a little bit smaller. After embracing myself, I walked into an agency and gave myself a chance. Initially, I lied and said I was a size 10, and my agent said “oh that’s a real shame. You are exactly what we are looking for. You’re tall, curvy, and toned… but you’re too small.”

I decided to cut that crap and told her to measure me. Long story short, I bypassed the 2-3 week waiting time necessary to deliberate whether they sign a model, and walked out that day with a contract.

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I took a chance on myself, I became the healthiest version of myself, and I stopped letting my insecurities cripple me. My relationship with food has changed as I dont live in a constant state of deprivation for the sake of being skinny. My relationship with exercise has changed because it is no longer something I do expecting to see some drastic change in my weight.I eat well to have nice skin, to feel good, to sleep well, and to think clearly. I indulge selectively, but carry no guilt afterwards because having one flan while on vacation in Florida (A MUST) might cause a small weight fluctuation (which used to panic me), but it will not undo everything I ate to build my health before then.

The reality is, my life has changed now that I live to be healthy and not skinny, because despite what society says, the two are not synonymous. 

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life… and being the hot sister xx 

 

 

 

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Whole 30: Week 1 and Already A Junkie

I have officially completed week one on the Whole 30.

I’m not going to lie, I have pretty much loved every second, even the difficult ones. Why, you may ask?

  1. I have kind of fallen in love with cooking, it is my new happy place
  2. I no longer obsess over what I’m going to eat
  3. I eat because I’m hungry, not because it’s “time” or any other stupid reason
  4. I don’t obsess over working out
  5. I don’t feel deprived

So, first of all…I really have fallen in love with cooking. After a long day, I really look forward to finding a new recipe and giving it a go. The Whole 30’s new way of eating opens up a whole new way of cooking and eating, and I’m not going to lie, I’ve been geeking out over it this week. My favourite recipe? BOOM. I am literally obsessed, try it.

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So I know I said I’m obsessed with that dish (and I could totes eat it every night); but I don’t actually obsess over what I eat. Because I know everything I eat under the guidelines is a step in the healthy direction, I have no stress. I don’t worry about how many times a day I am going to eat, I don’t measure anything, I don’t eat because it’s time, or stop eating because there is an allotted portion. I eat when I’m hungry, I eat until I am no longer hungry, and food doesn’t control my life.

Neither does working out. I stay active, I wear a fit bit to track my activity to make sure I am moving enough, and I make sure I keep that activity by doing things I enjoy. Do I workout? Of course, that is part of staying healthy; but I don’t obsess over it anymore; I don’t put myself down if I could only fit in cardio but no weights or vice versa, and I will turn down a hard core gym session to go for a bike ride with my little brother.

Last but not least, I don’t feel deprived, not even a little bit. As a girl who’s house is filled with bread, wine, and dessert every Friday night, I know all about temptation.  I was actually really worried about this weekend, but I happy to report that I wasn’t at all tempted; on the contrary, I took a sip of grape juice and felt like someone had punched me. It was so sweet that all things dessert/sweet/diabetes inducing became terribly unattractive after that. I was glad to trade the apple pie for some mango, and all was good with the world.

So the the fun part; Results

Not only have I found my independence from the ball and chain that is health and fitness, I also lost 3.5 pounds. I know that you’re not supposed to weigh yourself, but it does help me stay motivated (or show me where to make some improvements), and that’s exactly what it did this week.

Granted, I’m sure some of that is water weight from the significant drop in bloating (because dear lort my body loves to hold on to water), but that is kind of amazing. I dont slave over food, I dont slave over workouts; I live happily and carefree and I still lost 3.5 pounds. Amazeballs.

How are you guys doing? Let me know!

Much love, 

Lucy Loves Life…and coconut “rice” xx